Everyone's heard about this one, I'm sure, so I'll get it out of the way first.
A woman eating chile at a San Jose Wendy's was more than a little surprised to find part of a human finger in her food. The finger appeared to be that of a woman, as it included part of a manicured nail.
That's what you get when you order from the dollar menu.
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Russian newspaper Pravda reports that ass whuppings may be able to cure addiction and depression. The article cites a report titled "Methods of painful impact to treat addictive behavior." Siberian scientists have determined that whipping people 30 times per session for 60 sessions improves people's overall happiness.
I can't help but wonder if the Russian government has started "reeducating deviants" again.
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Word has it that Britney Spears has started job training at the fast food restaurant owned by her father. She's learning to make smoothies for her summer job, and is apparently excited about her waitressing uniform.
What the hell is the matter with this woman? Has Kevin drugged her or something?
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In Tokyo a man hijacked a bus bound for the airport. He was unarmed, but drunkenly demanded the driver take him to… the airport.
I hope they jail him just on principle.
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Officials at the Beijing airport recently purchased an American-made scarecrow machine. The machine is designed to periodically play recordings of predatory birds to keep local birds away from the flightline.
The machine works as advertised, but the Beijing birds don't fear the calls of North American birds of prey. Local experts are at work "translating bird screams to Chinese."
The new bird screams are undergoing tests.
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Celine Dion told reporters that many people attending her Las Vegas performances are either sleepy, sick, or drunk.
The lighting at her Vegas shows must be different than what she's used to, because I'm pretty sure all her shows have been like this and she's only now started noticing.