Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?
Remember that MS Paint contest Blog Kris won? Well, he finally claimed his prize. (New readers can check out the post where I called the contest, the post where I published the submissions, and the post where I announced the winner.)
The prize was one post to this blog, on any subject. Blog Kris finally submitted his post. Read it directly below this post. (Hyperlinked here if you're viewing a "post page" right now.)
BK says it's a poem, but I'll leave that for you to judge.
Whale balls
Tooth lagoon
Jay bonnet
Ocean bell
Mountain ribbon
Sky book
Velvet cross
Moon bird
Blood angels
I've finished the new template. Rather than tweaking my previous template, I decided to build a new one from scratch. It's XHTML 1.0 Transitional compliant, except for the few tags Blogger creates that can't be adjusted. I've tested it on Windows XP using Internet Explorer 6.01sp2, Netscape 7.2 and 8.0, Opera 7.54 and 8.0, Mozilla 1.7.6, and Firefox 1.0.4. It works the way it should at resolutions from 1024×768 down to 640×480. It even works with CSS disabled.
Stick a fork in it.
The only question mark left is how it looks on other operating systems. I only have access to Windows computers. The standards compliance should ensure proper display on any modern web browser, in any OS. It should, but that doesn't mean it will. Site Meter's current report tells me that 14% of my visitors are using some version of MacOS and 6% are using some flavor of Unix or Linux.
I'd really appreciate it if some of my "alternate" OS visitors would leave feedback regarding how my new template displays in Safari, Camino, Konqueror, or whatever else people might be using. Note that this blog allows anonymous comments, so you don't have to be a registered user to comment.
Below is a screen shot of how this template displays on my system.
Aside from display problems, I also welcome everyone's feedback on color, layout, line-spacing, anything you like or don't like.
(An entire template from scratch… I feel sooo superfly!)
I'm thinking about overhauling my template. My few regular readers may have noticed that I killed those colored lines above the heading. The only way I could get them to work the way I wanted was to use "quirky" HTML. I had to make the code standards-compliant to get the show/hide boobs thing to work.
So now seems as good a time as any to shuffle everything else around. Any suggestions? New color scheme, new layout, anything? You're reading it, so it's almost like it's your blog, too.
Finally, I have it. I have a picture of -G.D.'s boobs. I've used a style trick to hide it, just so there's no boob pictures "above the fold" for anyone to see with the Next Blog button. 'Cuz I'm considerate like that.
Wanna see? Click the link below to unhide -G.D.'s boobs.
So, I've been thinking. (I know, I know… bad habit.) I've been thinking about why I started blogging. Put simply, I had things to say. And rather arrogantly, I thought that other people might be interested in reading my opinions. I've had a personal web page since around 1997. I've used that space for art, essays, photos, a movie tribute, even HTML experiments. Thousands of people have wandered in over the years. Maybe 30 have bothered to e-mail me.
I started this blog because I wanted something more. I wanted to keep doing those same things, but I wanted more exposure. I've been thinking about it for a few days, and I realized I still want that. As I write this, I realize it sounds a little needy. But really, isn't this what we all want? We blog for feedback. Why else do we write here instead of using a yellow legal pad?
So I've decided to continue blogging. I'll probably only have a few entries a week, but at least it's something. I'm still not sure what kind of tone this blog will take, but I figure I'll take that part one day at a time.
There is one part that I've figured out, however. I'm going to let more of me seep through. I've never been dishonest, either here or on your blogs. But I have been somewhat secretive. I've never really talked about work, family, friends. Aside from Sister, who reveals more about her personal life than I'd write about her anyway, I rarely mention anyone from my offline world. There have been passing references to Girlfriend, The Kid, and I think probably my mother, but that's about it. The very notable exception to this is Benny The Four Fingered Magician.
I think I've been so secretive about my offline life partly out of respect for the people around me. I don't want to be so secretive anymore. I still probably won't blog about work, but I think I'm gonna start talking about a lot more people. So you can all look forward to future stories about people like Great White Hunter, The Princess Niece, Inveterate Liar, and Fat Indian Bitch.
So yeah, it looks like I still have things to say. I went out drinking with Sister on Friday and I couldn't stop thinking of things to say.
Also, I won't just pull up stakes without properly saying goodbye. All weekend long, I felt guilty about leaving things up in the air the way I did. If I ever do leave for good, I won't leave some pansy-ass "Dear John" note instead of some kind of proper goodbye.
That about sums it up. I'm back. I'm staying for the indeterminate future. I'm changing this space, but I'm not completely sure how. And I won't sneak off in the middle of the night.
Now down to business. Pay up, -G.D. Show me your tits.
I'm taking some time off from blogging. My perceptions of blogging have changed and I need to figure out what I want this blog to be, how/who I want to be when I blog, and how/where I fit in with everything else.
I might decide to start blogging again tomorrow. I might not blog again at all. I might hang around to read and comment on all of your writings. I might abandon this persona for a new one. I just haven't decided yet.
So… see you around. Or not.
Everyone's heard about the Newsweek story with the Quran in the toilet, right? The blogosphere is all aflutter over this crap. All the top-tier bloggers are jumping on this with both feet. Powerline, Malkin, Sullivan, Kos, Captain's Quarters, Vodkapundit, LaShawn, lgf, Talking Points… they're on Newsweek like starving wolves falling on a t-bone steak.
Here's my two cents.
I frankly do not care if the story is accurate or not. I agree that journalists must tirelessly strive for perfect accuracy. But I strongly disagree with the current trend among those in power to blame journalists anytime an unsavory story is reported. Am I the only one to notice this? The White House's damage control policy is becoming a two step process. Step 1: discredit report. Step 2: repeat step 1 as needed.
Here's a simple, fundamental fact. I don't know anything about anything.
I have never been to Washington D.C. Therefore, I cannot confirm that Washington D.C. exists. I've never seen George W. Bush. How can I know that Bush exists as a real flesh-and-blood human? I've only seen him on television. I'm fairly certain my TV is real, but that's about it.
I assume that Washington D.C. and George W. Bush and the Seattle Seahawks and the Grand Canyon all exist because that's what everyone tells me. When a significant majority of people agree on something, we call that something "fact." That doesn't make it factual, but that's the way things work. Five hundred years ago, it was a fact that the sun revolved around the earth. It wasn't true. It didn't matter.
With this Newsweek problem (have people started calling is Quran-gate yet?) we have two different groups of people proclaiming contradictory facts. I can't prove their facts, so their facts don't really matter to me.
What matters to me is truth.
When I heard about this Newsweek headline my first thought was "Damn, again? Haven't they learned anything?" It never occurred to me that the story might be based on inaccuracies, because the story is so damn believable.
The U.S. government has been keeping citizens and legal residents in prison for years without basic constitutional rights. Is it any surprise that we might be treating hostile foreigners even worse? Interrogation isn't supposed to be pleasant, but we've gone way beyond filling a guy with coffee and not letting him visit the washroom.
With the horror stories that have been trickling, and sometimes flooding, out of Iraq, Afghanistan, and Guantanamo for the last few years, Newsweek's Quran story is completely plausible.
The real problem has nothing to do with Newsweek's accuracy. The real problem is that I believe my government capable of doing everything Newsweek says, and worse.
Because I know you all really love these, here's more search engine goodness.
My power as The Tossed Salad Man is growing. I am now number one on Google and number five on Yahoo! for who is the tossed salad man? Everything is proceeding according to plan.
Straight out of left field comes spider repugnant smell. (Amazingly, number one on Google Canada.) I'm guessing somewhere in Canada is a person who really needs to see a doctor about a spider bite.
I have now become a premier destination for information on freshwater crustaceans. At least according to Google, where I am number eight for what's the difference between crayfish and crawdaddies?
Today someone thought this blog was a good place to stop in his quest for an ANN COULTER fuck doll. (Number four on Google.)
And my new favorite of the moment, I am number six on Google for this is not the salad of my people.
How does anilingus fit into kosher diet rules anyway? You can toss a salad, but not with cheese?
UPDATE: I've got another to add to this. This is possibly the scariest search engine hit ever. I am number five on Google for initials carved in flesh with soldering iron. It frightens me that people are looking for this. It frightens me more that people are looking to me for this.
A couple of weekends ago I went to see The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy. Did you know Citrus is in this movie?
Ok, so it's not actually him. But I'm pretty sure the writers had Citrus in mind when they wrote the line "Go with the hunch of a man whose brain is fueled by lemons?!?"
Yeah, so that's all I've got. I've been forgetting this for two weeks, so I wanted to post it quick before I forget… again.