I'd like to think I'm trendy. Well, trendy in a stable, normal way. I'm not about to dye my hair blue or move my waistband down to mid-thigh. I mean trendy in an up-to-date, stylish way.

That's pretty much all a lie. I know that it's not true because I just cannot get Radiohead. Eight years ago when "OK Computer" came out, critics all over the place started talking about what a brilliant album it is. I just don't see it.

I dug their first album, "Pablo Honey." I thought their big single Creep was superb. Then the next album, "The Bends," was released. I thought it was so-so, but I guess still worth listening. Then came OK Computer. It's still widely regarded as their masterpiece. A conceptual work about "the way machines dehumanize people." Fanboys have boosted the user-rating at Amazon.com to 4.5 stars. Every review is packed with superlatives.

People say things like "the emotional whirlwind leaves me dizzy," "I'm genuinely moved by this album," "leaves me with a truly euphoric feeling," "amazing," and "haunting."

What the hell are these people talking about? I listen to OK Computer and I hear a jumbled mess that when stirred long enough might eventually become good music. At best it sounds like mediocre Pink Floyd. At worst it sounds like white noise masquerading as music.

I've tried so hard to like this album. For years, I've gone back to it every couple of months. I've probably played this CD more often than some CDs I genuinely enjoy, just because I'm still trying to get it. See, I really need this to be trendy. I don't feel that I can continue to wear in good conscience my black turtlenecks and little round John Lennon glasses unless I can talk about the brilliance of OK Computer.

I can talk about how their later albums have created a cycle where their continued experimentation alienates more CD buyers, thus reducing their audience for their next experiment, until in the end they'll have five fans listening to them playing a live cat with a violin bow. And I can say these things truthfully. Radiohead is getting stranger with each album.

But I still need OK Computer. That album is the keystone in the arch of their career. Without an understanding of this central work, all the trendy people will know that I am a pretender among them.

Or is it all just a sham? A silent conspiracy? Do all the so-called Radiohead fans actually like and understand this album, or is everyone just faking it so that they too can be hip? I could believe that. It seems to me very possible that everyone in the world thinks this album blows, but many people pretend they're into it because it's "complex and mature." Maybe I'm the only one not pretending.