Being the part in which Fat Indian Bitch finally gets laid, and also in which we conclude our story. (A completely fictional alternate ending graciously provided by Esmerelda The Incestuous Salad Tosser.)

Enough was enough. Every day I would come home and cringe right before I walked in the front door. This girl - this poor, pathetic, sad excuse for a female was wrecking my mind. She stressed me out and made me a stranger in my own home. Isn't home where one is supposed to look forward to retiring for the evening? Right now it became a death camp. I hated going home. I hated facing this fucking situation I had to deal with every day. I hated thinking that one day I was going to walk in my room to find her again.

Interestingly enough Fat Indian Bitch started leaving me alone. She wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed but she sure as hell got the idea when I kicked her out of my room the second time. She did nothing but grin and glance at me from time to time in the late afternoons when I would get up to eat and shower before I got ready for work. She stopped following me. She stopped stalking me completely. She actually became pretty cool.

I should have known it was my fatal mistake to think she could even be remotely normal. Poor girl. In all honesty I felt sorry for her. She was a teenage girl suffering from severe rejection. All she wanted was love and affection. Thank God she had her friend Lazy-Eyed Nottie to keep her company. I'm scared to even think what would have happened if she wasn't around.

But I digress. Things around the house were doing well. We all started hanging out together on a regular basis on the week days. I even brought my date over sometimes to spend an evening or two. I was really into this girl and she was into me. And surprisingly FIB took it well. She was finally growing up. She spent most of her time with Lazy Roomie and LEN - going out to movies and fast food places. Playing Nintendo and whatever else they were into. I was finally enjoying my living arrangements.

A few months had come and gone. Things were finally as they should be. I was at peace and the chick I was dating was amazing. We got along great. She was funny, smart, beautiful, easy. Everything I was looking for at the time. I even got a promotion at work. Floor Manager - sounds impressive huh? Yeah, I was going places. Anyway, one afternoon I was getting ready for work and I heard a knock on my door.

"Yeah?"

"Hey - can I talk to you for a second?" It was FIB.

"Sure, what's up?"

"Well I just wanted you to know that…" BEEP BEEP… BEEP BEEP

"Oh shit. My girl's calling. I gotta get to work too. We'll talk later ok?"

"Sure. I guess."

"Hey baby! How's it going?" I say into the phone as I grab my work shirt and head out the door. Not thinking anything of what FIB had to tell me. She probably wanted to tell me that she borrowed a CD of mine or something. Whatever.

As I was driving along to work I was reaching for my smokes in my pocket and realized I didn't have my wallet.

"FUCK!" I yelled out to myself. Damn it I hate it when I do this. I had to completely turn around. Damn. Shit. Hell. I just got a promotion and I was going to be late for work. Did I really need my wallet? Yeah. I did. I wanted to go to the bar after work and I needed my ID. Stupid stupid stupid me.

I jumped out of the car, left it running and ran into the house…

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" FIB screamed a gut wrenching horrible scream.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" I let out a louder one once I saw what was happening. There they were. FIB and Lazy Roomie. Fucking on the couch in the living room.

"HOLY FUCKING CHRIST!!!!" I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. I grabbed the first thing I could which first was the football LR and I used to throw together and nailed the both of them… shortly after I ran into my room I grabbed my fuzzy baseball bat and started beating them blind.

"What… The FUCK… ARE… You… DOING?!?!?!" Each word separated by a nasty whack of my bat. The two of them scurried around like fat, disgusting, paranoid cockroaches. This was by far the most repulsive thing I had ever experienced in my life.

"Hey Dig. Don't worry buddy… seriously it's not what you think!!" LR tried to tell me.

"NOT what I THINK?! You are fucking your ugly SISTER you FUCK!"

"No no! We were just…"

"FUCKING on our COUCH…" I grabbed my wallet and left. I slammed the door behind me and stormed to my car. I was living with a bunch of freaks. I couldn't believe it. I was speeding down the road. Going 50mph in a 25. I was a fucking mess. Three kilometers down the road I had to stop the car. I hurled my insides out. I couldn't deal. I couldn't go back to that incestuous hell hole I had once called home. Ever. Is THAT what FIB wanted to tell me earlier when she came into my room? Ugh. Disgraceful. I was through. I had LR FedEx me my belongings once I moved back home with my parents.

Sadly I lost a friend in the whole mess. He was cool. Once. Now I'm living a completely different life. One filled with happiness, safe sex and love. I'm a happy father to a wonderful son and my girlfriend treats me right. I can't help but look back on the situations that occurred with Fat Indian Bitch, Lazy Incestuous Roomie, and Lazy-Eyed Nottie. To tell you the truth I think of them sometimes. And then remind myself that I could give a flying fuck.

THE END?