[Ed. note: republished with permission.]
 

I'm here in Ireland on the eve of the Adidas Dublin Marathon with Lulu, sports fanatic, runner, Californian, Goddess. Lulu has graciously agreed to take Colin Farrell's hands out of her shirt long enough to speak with me for a few moments.

Interview Guy: Lulu, thanks for joining me.

Lulu: You're welcome. I'm honored to be interviewed for SI.

IG: Umm, yeah. So how are you feeling today?

Lulu: I feel good. I'm a little nervous, but I feel strong.

IG: Nervous about the marathon? Or about those kissy faces Colin Farrell is making at you?

Lulu: The marathon. I'm pretty sure Farrell is making those kissy faces at you.

IG: I'm suddenly uncomfortable. May we change seats?

Lulu: Sure.

IG: Ok, now he's back to looking at you. I feel better now.

Lulu: Wimp.

IG: Uh, ok. Before we get back to the marathon, I'd like to talk about the issue that concerns our readers most.

Lulu: And that issue would be?

IG: Boobs.

Lulu: Oh, come on! I'm about to run a marathon. How could SI possibly be more interested in my boobs?

IG: Are you kidding? Haven't you ever seen our soft core Swimsuit Issue? Half the time they're not even wearing swimsuits.

Lulu: Good point. [She sighs.] Go ahead then. Ask your questions.

IG: What's with the word "boobage?"

Lulu: You don't like boobage? Are you gay?

IG: No! I like boobs just fine, I'm just wondering about the word "boobage."

Lulu: Boobage is good. Boobage is unique and pleasant. Just like my boobage.

IG: So can I get a picture of those to share with all of my readers?

Lulu: No.

IG: Please?

Lulu: Groveling isn't going to help you. There's so much more to me than boobs. I resent this a little. And stop staring. My face is up here.

IG: With a picture, I might be able to get you the cover story.

Lulu: Oh, all right! Here!

IG: That's not even a picture of you! That's the woman from Terminator 3.

Lulu: And that's all you're getting. Are we going to talk about the marathon or sports or something?

IG: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm all out of time right now. We'll have to continue this another time.

Lulu: Dick.