They were once alive,
full of fire and vigor. Now?
A zombie movie.
Monthly archives for January, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
The end of passion
"This is what bankers do…"
Sister informs me that she and her coworker Saltine (her cracka name) have decided to become the Hot Topic of check providers. Their initial catalog will include:
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Child Stars of the 70s
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Burnouts of the 80s
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Famous suicides of the 90s (with special limited Kurt Cobain edition)
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Pop Tarts of the current era (Britney, Christina, et al)
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One Hit Wonders (an excuse to have Dexy's Midnight Runners checks)
Awesome. I totally want Leif Garrett checks.
Ladies and Gentlemen…
…I present, The Bunny.
Random Bush Family Porn Generator v0.4
Note: newer version available here.
Changes: added a link to this post
For your document's <head>:
<script type="text/javascript" language="JavaScript"> var bushPeople=new Array( 'George W. Bush ', 'Jenna Bush ', 'Barbara Bush ', 'Laura Bush ', 'Barney the dog ', 'Jeb Bush ', 'Columba Bush ', 'George P. Bush ', 'Jeb Bush Jr. ', 'Noelle Bush ' ); var bushActions=new Array( 'snelches ', 'snowballs ', 'cornholes ', 'teabags ', 'alligator slaps ', 'logjams ', 'bagpipes ', 'six-packs ', 'fists ' ); var bushThings=new Array( 'on a webcam', 'midgets', 'horses', 'invalids', 'corpses', 'clowns', 'toothless old ladies', 'gay whales', 'altar boys' ); </script>
For your document's <body>:
<script type="text/javascript" language="JavaScript">document.write( "<h2 class=\"sidebar-title\">Random Bush Family porn</h2><ul><li>" + bushPeople[ Math.round(Math.random()*(bushPeople.length-1)) ] + bushActions[ Math.round(Math.random()*(bushActions.length-1)) ] + bushThings[ Math.round(Math.random()*(bushThings.length-1)) ] + "</li><li><a href=\"http://feastofcrumbs.com/blog/2006/01/random-bush-family-porn-generator-v04/\" title=\"A Feast of Crumbs: Random Bush Family porn generator v0.4\">Get your own copy</a></li></ul><hr />");</script>
History-minded
Forwarded e-mail:
"The History of Iraq,"
started me thinking.
Wikipedia-
again I immerse myself
in the Caliphate.
Harun al-Rashid,
Caliph, Prince of the Faithful,
Baghdad's Golden Age.
Jewel of cities,
laid low by Mongols, Persians,
Turks, Americans.
City of cities,
the city above cities…
a jewel no more.
Idiots
So I just got this forwarded e-mail titled "History of Iraq."
Hmm. I just had to see that. So I opened the e-mail and scrolled past several screens worth of forward headers to get to the actual content of the message. The message was filled with lots of accurate references to how ancient Iraq is mentioned in the bible. For example, the cities of Ur and Nineveh are there, the Garden of Eden is there, etc.
On a marginally related note, I am currently eating a take-out breakfast from a restaurant named The Garden of Eatin'.
Anyway the e-mail wraps up with a "Koran passage:"
Koran (9:11) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.
Does that sound fishy to you? I certainly thought so. So I looked it up. The eleventh verse of the ninth surah actually reads:
But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We make the communications clear for a people who know.
Additionally, a simple text search returned zero results for the world "eagle."
The forward headers for this e-mail show around fifty recipients.
I wonder how many of them bothered to look it up?
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Well, no wonder!
No wonder I haven't been able to find any information on TeleFile. The IRS discontinued the fucking program. The IRS recommends that instead I avail myself of any number of "free*" e-filing services.
Bitches.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
A random observation
You know, I've never seen a John Cusack movie I didn't like. Granted, I haven't seen all of them. But I've seen two dozen or so and there's not one that I disliked.
So, yeah… that's all I've got.
The Great Equalizer
I can't remember
customer names elude me
everyone: "User"
The Blog Post of Fate
So I've got this customer whose last name is Fate. Sometime between today and his last service, he learned how to rename things. And apparently he's got a sense of humor about his name.
His desktop is littered with documents and shortcuts named "…of Fate." My Computer of Fate, Recycle Bin of Fate, Disk of Fate.
I love that last one. Disk of Fate. That sounds like something I should be questing after with a wizard and a curmudgeonly dwarf.