California is full of self-absorbed neurotics.
Monthly archives for March, 2006
Friday, March 31, 2006
Why California sucks, part 7
Damn him all to hell!
So this guy Mikey stopped by my office to drop off a computer today. I've known Mikey for about five years. But I've hated him for about ten years. I'll explain.
About ten years ago I was between girlfriends and my best friend was a young woman named Sally. To say "best friend" may not be entirely accurate. Maybe instead I should say "girl I hung out with and tried unsuccessfully to sleep with."
Sally had a boyfriend she was very happy with, so I never got very far with my sloppy, casual attempts at seduction. And I was ok with that. Sally was a cool friend and a lot of fun to hang out with. I was content with not sleeping with her. Besides, I really liked her boyfriend too.
Until she ended up blowing Mikey.
Mikey was (is?) a friend of Sally's boyfriend, Bryce. Mikey and Sally ended up hanging one afternoon while waiting for Bryce. Bryce was very late. Mikey ended up getting a little action while they were waiting.
Being bestest pals, Sally told me all about this. "It's just kind of happened," she said. I never let on, but I was quietly pissed. If she was going to cheat on Bryce, why cheat with that dopey guy Mikey instead of me?
I long ago moved past wanting Sally, but I'm still jealous that Mikey got some of that and I didn't. And the way Sally described it, it seemed so effortless, while I was actually trying for it, albeit rather lazily.
Alright. I'm done grumbling. I'm going to go break Mikey's computer now.*
*Not really, but it's a fun thought.
Good lord, is it campy
Have you seen King Kong? The new version, I mean. If you haven't, you should. The creature effects are extraordinary. And not just Kong, but the dinosaurs and other creatures of Skull Island as well.
When watching King Kong, I used to think to myself "Why did I ever think Jurassic Park was that impressive?" Well, now I know. Yesterday The Bunny's Amazon order arrived, including her eight DVD set Land of The Lost - The Complete Series.
This is why Jurassic Park seemed so exceptional.
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If not for my, ahem, laziness I'd make a little video clip. Still images do nothing to capture Land of The Lost's claymation and rubber suit goodness.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
A-ha!
So lately I've been spending a lot of time listening to the Curious George soundtrack (shut up! It's Jack Johnson!) There's one song in particular that's really stuck with me: "We're Going To Be Friends."
It's a good song, but not especially distinctive. It sticks out because I feel I know the song from somewhere else. And, hey, surprise! I do know the song from somewhere else. The other day I was watching Napoleon Dynamite when I realized the song playing during the main titles is another version of "We're Going To Be Friends," this one by The White Stripes.
I'm not entirely certain which version of the song I like more.
Regardless, this isn't the best song from either of them. For their best, my choices would be Johnson's "Rodeo Clowns" and the Stripes' "Seven Nation Army."
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Did you know…
…that Winston cigarettes was an early sponsor of The Flintstones? 'strue. This kind of thing is too weird to make up.
If I…
…owned a salad dressing company, I'd name my lo-cal thousand island "500 Islands."
That's clever. I'd buy lo-cal thousand island if it had a clever name like that.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Well, thank God for that
The Federal Elections Commission has decided that we can all remain loose cannons. In a 6-0 ruling the commission decided that campaign finance laws will apply only to paid online advertising, and not individuals.
The decision means that bloggers and online publications will not be covered by provisions of the new election law. Internet bloggers and individuals will therefore be able to use the Internet to attack or support federal candidates without running afoul of campaign spending and contribution limits.
I loves me some attacking federal candidates.
I wonder
Zacarias Moussaoui
What the hell is Moussaoui doing? The guy's been convicted and faces the death penalty. During his trial he confessed to being an unrepentant rapscallion, but denied any involvement in or knowledge of the 9/11 attacks.
Now he's saying something completely different.
Mr. Moussaoui said he knew in advance of Al Qaeda's plans to fly jetliners into the World Trade Center and asserted that his role on that day was to have been to fly another plane into the White House. He said he was to have been accompanied on the suicidal mission by Richard C. Reid, the so-called shoe bomber who was convicted in a separate failed effort to blow up a plane in flight.
Although Mr. Moussaoui had said over the last few years that he was a member of Al Qaeda and was learning to fly a plane to participate in some "second wave" of terrorist attacks, until now he had always insisted that he knew little of the plot for the attacks and vowed to fight the death penalty to the last of his strength.
I doubt I'd be able to fundamentally connect with a guy who thinks it's a good idea to crash airplanes into buildings so I'm not going to waste a lot of energy deciphering his motivations. But there is one thing I wonder.
Which lie will most count against him when he gets to paradise?
Since his current statements blatantly contradict his previous, one set of statements must be false. If we assume that he's on his way to the afterlife he expects (a big assumption, I know), then one of his lies is going to be a black mark on his jihad record.
Either he was trying to save his skin by lying before about his 9/11 involvement, or he's lying now by completely fabricating his 9/11 involvement in order to… puff up his martyr status? One way or another, in the great beyond he'll have to account for a big lie. Which lie would be the worse of the two?
I don't have an answer for this. I'm just wondering.
Why she's the one for me
Because she's so damn sweet, The Bunny bought me a copy of King Kong this morning. When I came downstairs this morning it was sitting on my desk with a little greeting card attached. After the expected "Aww, you're so sweet, thank you" business, I opened the card.
I held the envelope in so that I saw the back of the card as I was pulling it out. I immediately was drawn to the "Christian Connections" logo. "What the hell?" I thought. "She bought me a Christian card? What the hell's the matter with her?"
So I turn the card over, read the front and then open it. Bunny had written inside:
Fish,
Ignore the fact that this is a "Christian" card…
Does she know me or what?
Monday, March 27, 2006
Yeah, about that…
You know that whole "I will never again get laid in the living room" business? Umm… never mind.