Monthly archives for September, 2006

Friday, September 29, 2006

Don't I just suck?

Off and on for the last week or so I've been working on a technical how-to post. It's about using conditional CSS to improve the display of hyperlinks. It's well-written, informative and completely fucking boring. You know it's got to be boring if even I can't stand it. It's not really even that useful, it's just something that struck me a week ago.

Yeah, not so striking anymore.

 

The thing that inspired me to write the whole thing in the first place is that I wanted a solution to differentiate between my own internal links and links to some other site. I had this worked out and implemented in the crumbs blogskin. And it stayed there for about two hours before I got bored with it and killed it again.

If you're using Internet Explorer, you would never have seen it anyway.

 

The absolute worst thing about being a celebrity has got to be losing all the people you can trust to tell you the truth. Do you think celebs ever realize that one by one their real friends have vanished and they're surrounded by toadying yesmen? (Not that they're all men, but "yespersons" sounds fucking stupid.)

Example: Lindsay Lohan. She used to be absolutely adorable. She was one of those rare women who managed to pull off sexy and innocent simultaneously.

Old Lindsay

Somewhere along the line she found her inner skank. Over the past year or two she's turned so nasty celebrity gossip sites have taken to calling her "Firecrotch." Not just one or two gossip sites, but pretty much all of them. That's her rep. That's her image these days.

Firecrotch

I'm pretty sure that wouldn't have happened if she still had one true friend.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

World's most cryptic phone call*

Bird: Hello?

Me: Yo.

Bird: Yep.

Me: Cool.

Bird: Farmer's?

Me: I love you.

Bird: heh.

Me: Bye.

 

*Also world's dumbest blog post

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Gah! Too recursive!

So last night I caught the rebroadcast of NBC's new superhero-ish drama Heroes. It was firmly ok. This first episode wasn't that great, but it has potential and I'm interested in seeing how some of these characters develop.

Most interesting to me was the character Hiro, a pudgy, dorky Japanese salaryman with a Star Trek fixation who suddenly learns he can manipulate time and space. There's a scene where he tries to explain his newfound abilities to a coworker over a few beers at a karaoke bar. The scene opens with two Asian youths in red basketball jerseys on stage lip synching The Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way."

First I have the obvious complaint that The Dormitory Boys are Chinese, not Japanese.

Second, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about a major network using prime time for a shout-out to a viral video. Is this a quiet acknowledgment of the growing power of the internet as an entertainment medium?

Third, the recursiveness of the thing gives me a headache. The Backstreet song is fiction, which makes it art. The song pretends to be autobiographical, which makes it art imitating life. The Dormitory Boys are real, which makes them life. But they parody/karaoke the song, which becomes art. So we have art imitating life imitating art imitating life. Heroes reproduces the scene, and that reproduction is art. But the new layer of art is itself a new layer of imitation. So we have art imitating life imitating art imitating life imitating…

Fuck. I lost track. And now my head hurts.

Monday, September 25, 2006

Who did that? What?

The Bunny: Didn't The Chicken feed the kitties this morning?

Me: Yeah, he fed them.

Bunny: Really? They really cleaned up. Those dishes look like they could have been washed.

Me: He fed them. I'll bet he left the empty packet on the counter.

(I turn to look at the counter and see Bunny drinking milk straight out of the jug.)

Bunny: (gulp, gulp) Who the fuck was drinking milk straight out of the jug? That's gross! Goddammit, was that you? And after you just ate a brownie? Nasty!

(pause)

Me: Uh-huh.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Three snippets

Hair stylist: What kind of shampoo do you use?

Me: I don't know. Whatever The Bunny buys.

Stylist: You should get her to buy [can't remember the name].

Me: Yeah?

Stylist: Yeah, it'll help make your hair thicker again.

(silence)

Stylist: Um… or not!

*****

Guy at cookout: They should make chickens with just wings and skin. That's all I want. Somebody should genetic engineer that.

*****

(I'm fiddling with a new telephone.)

Bunny: I look pretty today.

(silence)

Bunny: I look pretty today.

(silence)

Bunny: I look pretty today.

Me: Yes! You look very pretty today!

Bunny: Yeah, I think so too.

Two little tweaks

I tweaked the post byline a little bit. What was one long line that (on most screen sizes) would wrap into several lines, is now two separate lines. Category and tag links now appear on a second line beneath the other meta information.

I was starting to get annoyed by the fact that the addition of tags would always wrap the comment link onto the next line. Differing numbers and length of tags were making it so the comment link never appeared in exactly the same place twice. That blows. If having to look for the comment link annoyed me, I'm pretty sure it annoyed you twice as much.

So yeah, that's fixed. The first byline will basically always remain the same length, so the comment link will be in the same spot on every post. Much better, I think.

I'm also experimenting with adding a fingerprint to my site feed, which is the real reason for this post. I'm sure you would have noticed and adapted to the byline change without me pointing it out. But I need a new post to test the feed settings.

The feed now has a footer containing two paragraphs. The first paragraph, the one I want visible, is:

© Some rights reserved. Licensed by Creative Commons.

Be a pal and please let me know if your feed reader displays that paragraph, the hidden paragraph after it, neither or both.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

RFC 572A: Proposal to add new circle to Hell

According to Dante, Hell is divided into nine circles. Different sins merit different circles and each circle is more torturous than the last. The ninth and final circle is for the traitorous, the worst of all sinners.

It's been 700 years since Dante's death and sin has evolved. To meet the expanding needs of the modern world, I propose we add a tenth circle for the sinners of the digital age: spyware merchants, virus writers, phishers, spammers, sploggers and (my new extra special favorites) scrapers.

Are you familiar with feed scraping? Scraping is using someone's site feed to generate content for another site. Because of the way feed aggregators tend to work, the scraping process can be completely automated. There are professional software packages designed specifically for automated scraping; just add feeds and the software does all the work.

For example, last month I stumbled onto a WordPress plugin that looked interesting. The plugin author's site was almost entirely devoted to Google AdSense. I soon learned that the whole blog was geared toward getting other people to write content so the blog owner could insert AdSense ads, and essentially use other people's work to get paid.

I eagerly accepted the opportunity and wrote a post about using CSS to block AdSense. Always ready to pat myself on the back, I wrote a post here about my cleverness.

My post on Dominique's blog was not scraping, but rather something of a guest post. However, the post I wrote here was scraped. This guy republished it. Apparently I used that magic word (AdSense) and my post got snagged to appear in his scrape blog. I was, and still am, entertained by the whole thing. He republished my post about a post about defeating AdSense, and he put it on his AdSense blog. This entertained me so much, I even de-spammed his pingback.

It's definitely scraping, but what he did isn't that bad. He only publishes excerpts, he properly attributes the original author and he links to the original post. His practice is a little shifty, but it could be a lot worse.

Worse like the dickheads at Bitacle. Just today I learned that Bitacle is scraping my feed on a regular basis. They scrape so regularly, they've now republished 285 posts. 285. Fuckers.

That's just outright theft. So let's have some fun with the shitheads at Bitacle. There's a somewhat disreputable tech trick called cloaking. Cloaking is normally used to cheat search engines by providing one set of content to the search engine and a completely different set of content to web surfers.

Right now I have Bitacle banned. But I really want to cloak their asses and set them up to harvest fake content. But then, what to put in the feed? And here I ask for your assistance, witty, clever people that you are. What should I put in the fake feed?

Um… ok?

This morning marked the first time Pajama Pants started a conversation with me at The Chicken's bus stop.

I know I've talked about Pajama Pants at least once before. I can't remember if I talked about her often enough to give her a proper nickname. This year she's "Pajama Pants," named because half the time I see her she's wearing "loafing around the bedroom" clothes.

Anyway, usually she's unapproachably bitchy, like "cross the street to avoid her" bitchy. Lately she's been… kind of nice. I'm not completely sure what to make of that. Is she trying to lull me into complacency before she murders me? Possibly.

Several times, both this year and last, I've tried to be friendly and cheery and all that. Today is the first day she went out of her way to greet me first. It would have felt really good to be treated civilly, except for what she had to say. She wanted to bitch about one of the other parents.

Pajama Pants told some story, twice, about how this other parent called her to complain about PP's daughter's behavior on the school bus. So PP went to the school, where they told her a completely different story and blah blah fucking blah.

Yeah. Nice to be included in her reindeer games, but she can keep the drama.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Wikisurfing

The other day while eating lunch, I found myself yet again on Wikipedia. This is always something of a dangerous proposition for me. With the obscene amount of links peppering most wikis, it's nearly impossible for me to resist clicking from one place to another and spending ridiculous amounts of time learning about all manner of things.

On this particular visit I started out reading up on the death of Peter Tosh. That led me to Bob Marley, which led me to the Rastafari movement, which led me to Haile Selassie I and Marcus Garvey and so forth and so on.

Within minutes I'm always reading up on something completely unrelated to what I was first reading. This visit I somehow ended reading about the Amish. (And finally I'm beginning to get to the point.) Apparently, the Amish have the highest percentage of twin births among any ethnic group.

This reminded me of something I read years ago (so I don't have a source). The two ethnic groups that are most closely related at a genetic level are the Japanese and the Koreans. Which kind of makes sense when you consider that the two populations have historically been somewhat isolated and have spent millennia conquering each other and intermarrying.

I have a quirky prejudice. Anytime I think of Koreans, I always think of Chiun from the crappy 80s movie Remo Williams: The Adventure Begins. There are two things I learned from this movie. First, haberdashery is a very cool word. Second, Chiun is very cool and very Korean.

Except that he's not. The actor who played Chiun, Joel Grey, is very Caucasian.

Here he is as Chuin:

Chiun

Maybe it's just me, but I believe that he's Asian. But he's not. He's so not. Here's Joel Grey in the most Caucasian environment imaginable… standing next to Liza Minnelli:

Joel Grey and Liza Minnelli

I'm so crushed. The world will never be the same for me. Chiun isn't Korean. He's a gay white guy from Ohio. (I'm assuming he's gay because he's standing next to Liza Minnelli.) I'll be alright. I'll try to console myself with two odd photos I found while searching for Chiun.

Video game chick

surprised Asian guy

Monday, September 18, 2006

That was kind of creepy

At the bus stop a little while ago, Carrie (now in the second grade) was wearing a red, fur-tinged cloak. Maybe Halloween came early this year. My first thought was to sing Sam The Sham and the Pharaohs' "Little Red Riding Hood."

Little Red Riding Hood
You sure are lookin' good
You're everything that a big bad wolf could want…
Owwooo!

Yeah, then I reminded myself she's a second grader and I immediately felt creepy just for thinking it. So I moved on to a backup thought: "She looks like an extra from The Village".

The Village