For the last several years my anti-virus package of choice has been Norton AntiVirus. I've used it on my own computers and I've recommended it to anyone who's asked. I've always liked the way it works and how effective it's been.

But most of that has changed. Each successive package gets progressively larger and slower without introducing any appreciable new features. My recommendations have lately included more and more conditions. "It's not for you if your computer doesn't have this, or if you need such and such a feature, or if you use that one ISP."

Yeah, to hell with that. I'm done with Norton. I've even gone so far as to yank it out of my own computer in favor of the freeware AVG.

Norton, like nearly every other Windows program, leaves behind lots of little things when you uninstall. So after running the regular built-in uninstall routine I ran the special Norton removal tool from Symantec. There were still some traces left over, so I deleted those manually. I rebooted and went on my merry way.

A few hours later I noticed that one of my other programs, Forte Agent, seemed to have lost its icon. I investigated and saw that it wasn't just the icon missing, but the whole damn program folder. And not just that program. My Program Files folder was curiously missing everything up to the letter C.

I can only assume I accidentally deleted them when I was manually clearing out the Symantec junk. Agent, Adobe, Amaya, Ahead Nero… all gone. Fuck. I deleted at least a dozen programs. How the hell did I do that? That's going to be a mess to fix.

The next morning I was reading news over a bowl of cereal when I learned Microsoft had released Internet Explorer 7. Woo hoo! Finally! I'm a big believer in testing my web designs in as many browsers as possible, but I adamantly refuse to test compatibility in pre-release software. I've been burned before by beta packages that don't easily upgrade to their final release counterparts, so I've been impatiently waiting for the final release of IE 7.0.

I scurried over to Microsoft's web site to grab the download, and then very quickly learned that it wouldn't install for me. I'm one of those filthy Windows pirates, and the IE 7 installer includes a validation check. Bitches.

So off I went to scour the dark corners of the internet looking for workarounds. After a few false starts, I found what I needed. I snagged a custom package that used a patched version of the Beta 2 installer to install the files from the final version. Cackling with glee, I installed and rebooted my office computer (I was at work by this point in the day).

As Windows restarted, I was greeted with this happy little message:

Nice. I broke my fucking workstation. I'm a tool.

After a little investigation and a little voodoo I was back to the point where I could at least access Windows Explorer again. I retraced my steps and found the error to be a pebcak. Apparently I don't know how to read the fucking instructions.

1. Extract archive.

2. Run update.exe.

3. Do not reboot.

4. Install other packages #1, #2 and #3.

5. Now reboot.

That whole "do not reboot" thing? Those instructions must be for someone else. Surely not for an Advanced User like me. Yeah, I probably deserved my digital punch to the junk for that. In any case, I got it sorted out and was able to reinstall properly.

Then when I got home I repeated exactly the process on my home PC, including the part about not following the directions. I guess I wanted to… I don't know, confirm the error or something? Yup, sure enough, it broke my home computer too. At least on the 2nd go around I knew how to fix it and recovered very quickly. But still, what the hell was I thinking?

Don't trust me with anything technical for a while. I might be jinxed, maybe even cursed. You probably shouldn't stand too close to me either. I can't guarantee your safety.