9. I smoke, right? My preferred cigarette is Marlboro Menthol 72s. These cigarettes are available in two varieties: green stripe and blue stripe. I smoke both, because I can't tell them apart.

I know they're supposed to be different, and I'm sure they actually are, but I have no idea in what way. When they were new to the market each pack came with a mini-pamphlet filled with lovely buzzwords that sounded very appealing but were utterly meaningless. Both varieties were described with words like "smooth," "bold," "flavorful" and "rich," all of which are terms that can also be used to describe a good BBQ sauce. I tried smearing one of the cigarettes on a bacon cheeseburger and found the experience entirely unsatisfying.

In my quest to determine how the green and blue stripe varieties might differ, preferably in terms that actually apply to the inhalation of smoke from a burning concoction of dried plant matter and industrial chemicals, I have had no luck. Marlboro.com redirects to a site where I can sign up for coupons. The Philip Morris website contains a mix of stop smoking links and the standard corporate claptrap — but absolutely no product promotion. I can read about how my chosen cigarette contains a smattering of licorice extract, but I cannot read about why I might want to choose the blue flavor over the green. Even my beloved Wikipedia lacks the information I sought.

I say "sought" because I am no longer seeking. I don't care how they might be different. If I can't tell them apart, what does it really matter anyway? But this does leave me with a minor conundrum. What should I say when I say "Marb Menthol 72s, please" and the clerk asks "blue or green?"

In the past I've answered that I don't care, I can't tell the difference. This is not as easy as you might think. I've received everything from blank stares to outright refusals to make this choice for me. Fortunately I am a creature of habit and the lovely women who usually attends me at the gas station after work on Friday has learned my pattern and cheerily offers, "Some of each, hon?"