Your moony face, so inaccessible.
So I was just at the restaurant next door. I was just there to get chips, so I didn't pay any attention to the specials board. On my way out I noticed they're featuring something called a "Texas caviar wrap."
Why does "Texas caviar" make me think "rabbit turds?"
For no reason at all, The Bunny just brought me a big ass bag of maple nut goodies.
She loves me. 
And she completely understands the way to a man's heart is through the goodies.
(There are sirens in the neighborhood, several of them pass my office.)
Goat: Lotta sirens today.
Me: Yeah, seems like more than usual.
Goat: Maybe somebody knocked over a light pole nearby.
(The phone rings.)
Goat: Fish, it's your seester.
Me: (On phone) Yo.
Sister: How you doin'?
Me: Yo.
Sister: So do you have a good view of the fire there?
Me: What?
Sister: Turn around and look out your window.
Me: Holy shit! That red house is on fire!
Sister: Dumbass.
Me: Ok, I'm going to go. You're way more boring that this action.
Sister: Ok!
So, yeah. Big ass fire in the red house across the street. No one was injured (not even the family dog), but the house is a total loss. The flames were ten feet higher than the roof by the time the fire department started throwing water at it.
At its simplest, this is not especially exciting. There was a fire. The fire department put it out. Woo hoo. But, oh, the spectacle!
All the streets around my office were closed for almost five hours, which made for a pretty light day. And everyone in the neighborhood stopped to gawk for a while, so the people watching was excellent. Sighted were Unfriendly Black Hottie from the chiropractor's down the street, The Captain (a late middle age guy who always dresses like Gilligan's gay uncle - complete with a Skipper-style hat), Naked Guy (who, weather permitting, wears only cheap flip-flops and raggedy short-short cut off jeans), and the String Bean Mechanic (who looks like a complete dirt bag, but is always so friendly). There were plenty of other gawkers, maybe as many as 300 different people over the course of the day, but none of them are interesting enough to merit a clever nickname.
I happened to be listening to some music on my PDA when all of this was happening. Evil, insensitive bastard that I am, I tried to choose music appropriate to the situation. What kind of music is goes with a neighbor's house fire? I didn't have anything like Bloodhound Gang's "The Roof Is On Fire" or Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire." The best I could do is Guns 'N Roses. "Welcome to the Jungle" kind of works. At least it's a lot more fitting than the new Dixie Chicks CD.
My favorite part of the whole experience is that this has been an entire day where not one person has stared at me when I've stood outside smoking. And all my temporary invisibility required was for one family to lose everything.
Oh, that would be because the red house across the street is on fire!
I have a nemesis whose Promiscuous post has that goddamn song stuck in my head. I'm trying to drive it out with an assortment of musical goodness, like Supreme Beings of Leisure, but so far it's not working.
And on a completely unrelated note, today is working out to be a day for beverages. I had my usual bottle of water first thing this morning, followed by a Bunny latte, followed by orange juice and chocolate milk for the Hangover Thursday breakfast, and now a Mountain Dew.
More about the latte business:
Bunny: What's with this $20 bill on my desk?
Me: That was in the washer. I didn't have any clothes in that load, so it must be yours.
Bunny: Cool!
(A few minutes later)
Me: Bunny?
Bunny: (Apprehensive) Yee-ahh?
Me: You know how I gave you that $20 I found?
Bunny: Yeah?
Me: You didn't even know you had it, so you didn't even know you'd lost it, and I was doing the laundry so you didn't see it, and I could've taken it and you'd have never known it, but I knew that wouldn't be right since I knew it was your money, so I gave it to you even though I know I could've kept it and you'd've never known any better, but I didn't because I'm such a good boy.
Bunny: You want the $20?
Me: Will you make me a latte?
Bunny: How about I just give you the $20 and you go buy your own damn latte?
Me: Oh. I can do that. Never mind.
Bunny: No, no. I'll make you a latte. That's fine.
Bunny: (Thinking) I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.
Goat (reading from a contract): …whereas the contractor wishes to enter an arrangement with MSI for purposes specified herewith…
Bird: Stop, you're making my head hurt.
(pause)
Bird: Like The Fish does.
There's bird who's made a nest in a pile of computer junk just outside my office's back door.
Timber Lobbyist Woman: Hi, Fish.
Me: Good afternoon. How are you today?
TLW: Pretty good. So it wants to work ok for you?
Me: Yup. Couldn't find a thing wrong with it.
TLW: I hate it when it does that.
Me: Bird says I'm supposed to tell you a story.
TLW: Oh, yeah?
Me: It's a wonderful fairytale called "The Boy Who Cried Wolf."
TLW: haha!
Me: So if you want to grab your blankie and your teddy and curl up in the big chair, Uncle Fish will tell you a story.
TLW: haha!
(pause)
TLW: Yeah, ok, I gotta get back to work.
The landlord, who owns our little office building and the building next door, is currently engaged in an activity I'll call "the insurance nightmare." He's washing the sign for the used bookstore.
There's a problem. The bottom of the sign is about ten feet off the ground and he doesn't have a tall enough ladder.
His solution? To park in front of the sign and prop up his ladder on the roof of his truck.
I like this guy, but I want to see him fall on his head just for being so foolish.
There's a mouse in my office. I left a bag of potato chips on my desk yesterday and this morning I found it with a ragged hole chewed through the side.
Sweet. Not since the death of Midi (short for Middle Management Flunkie) the fish have we had an office mascot.
Chrissy (at the restaurant next door): Ok, so that's soup, soda and a Skor.
(pause)
Chrissy: Huh-huh, huh-huh.
Me: What was that?
Chrissy: Hmm? Nothing
(pause)
Me: Huh-huh. You said "score."
Chrissy: Haha! I loved that show!
Me: I just picked up a DVD this weekend.
Chrissy: That is so cool. I want that new set.
Me: I'm going back to my office to Skor.
Chrissy: Huh-huh. Shut up, Butt-Head!