As I'm sure you've noticed, the tagline area of my masthead uses a random quote rotator. I have hundreds of quotes loaded into that. You could visit every day for months and never see a duplicate quote. Unfortunately, search engines find those quotes and add them to their indices. People who find this place by searching for one of those quotes are sent to essentially random pages, because Google doesn't know it read random data. Well, no more. Here is a list of all the quotes I use in my rotator. I intend to keep this updated so it will remain in sync with the real, live list of quotes.

You may also be interested in reading about creating your own rotator.

Movies

  • Look at this: an entire generation of Cinderellas and no glass slipper. - Frances McDormand, Almost Famous

  • I never said I was a golden god… or did I? - Billy Crudup, Almost Famous

  • The only true currency in this bankrupt world is what you share with someone else when you're uncool. - Philip Seymour Hoffman, Almost Famous

  • You'll meet them all again on their long journey to the middle. - Philip Seymour Hoffman, Almost Famous

  • Please don't give him any more acid! - Patrick Fugit, Almost Famous

  • When and where does this "real world" occur? - Patrick Fugit, Almost Famous

  • Everyone is less mysterious than they think they are. - Kirsten Dunst, Elizabethtown

  • Have you ever had the feeling that you aren't completely embarrassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow's embarrassment? - Tom Cruise, Jerry Maguire

  • I'll tell you in another life, when we are both cats. - Penelope Cruz, Vanilla Sky

  • I want to live a real life. I don't want to dream any longer. - Tom Cruise, Vanilla Sky

  • I'm looking for a dare to be great situation. - John Cusack, Say Anything

  • If you start out depressed everything's kind of a pleasant surprise. - John Cusack, Say Anything

  • Maybe the world is full of food and sex and spectacle and we're all just hurling towards an apocalypse, in which case it's not your fault. - John Cusack, Say Anything

  • Pay no attention to the man in the trunk. - Billy Bob Thornton, The Ice Harvest

  • You're a complicated cat, Edward. - Amanda Peet, Identity

  • If you really wanted to screw me up you should've gotten to me earlier! - John Cusack, High Fidelity

  • Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable, or was I miserable because I listened to pop music? - John Cusack, High Fidelity

  • I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech. - Orson Bean, Being John Malkovich

  • Don't stand in the way of my actualization as a man. - Cameron Diaz, Being John Malkovich

  • You don't know how lucky you are being a monkey. - John Cusack, Being John Malkovich

  • You can never go home again, Oatman… but I guess you can shop there. - John Cusack, Gross Pointe Blank

  • You know the Greeks didn't write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: "Did he have passion?" - Jeremy Piven, Serendipity

  • Would you like to make the fuck? BERSERKER! - John Henry Westhead, Clerks

  • When, Lord?! When the hell do I get to see the goddamn sailboat?! - Ethan Suplee, Mallrats

  • There is no Shermer in Illinois. Movies are fuckin' bullshit. - Jason Mewes, Dogma

  • If there isn't a movie about it, it's not worth knowing, is it? - Alan Rickman, Dogma

  • Let it never be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results. - Matt Damon, Dogma

  • The internet is a communication tool used the world over where people can come together to bitch about movies and share pornography with one another. - Ben Affleck, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

  • That's what the internet is for… slandering others anonymously. - Jason Lee, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

  • Well! That was just another paean to male adolescence and it's refusal to grow up. - Joey Lauren Adams, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

  • See? I told you that restraining order was a good idea. - Jeff Anderson, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

  • And on that note, we cue the music. - Jason Lee, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

  • You never go ass to mouth. - Brian O'Halloran, Clerks II

  • That guy's being awfully forward with that donkey. - Jason Mewes, Clerks II

  • I am Jack's wasted life. - Ed Norton, Fight Club

  • This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time. - Brad Pitt, Fight Club

  • On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. - Ed Norton, Fight Club

  • The things you own end up owning you. - Brad Pitt, Fight Club

  • Strangers with this kind of honesty make me go a big rubbery one. - Ed Norton, Fight Club

  • You met me at a very strange time in my life. - Ed Norton, Fight Club

  • Sticks and stones can break my bones but words cause permanent damage. - Eric Bogosian, Talk Radio

  • I kind of believe in fate. It just works in really fucked up ways sometimes. - Lauren Ambrose, Can't Hardly Wait

  • Why y'all gotta waste my flava? Damn! - Seth Green, Can't Hardly Wait

  • Living like this… it's a full-time business. - Ewan McGregor, Trainspotting

  • Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. - Ewan McGregor, Trainspotting

  • Vacant, with a hint of sadness… like a drunk who's lost a bet. - Lucy Davis, Shawn of The Dead

  • How's that for a slice of fried gold? - Nick Frost, Shawn of The Dead

  • Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies? - Nick Frost, Shaun of The Dead

  • Screws fall out all the time. The world is an imperfect place. - Judd Nelson, The Breakfast Club

  • This information cannot leave this room, okay? It would devastate my reputation as a dude. - Anthony Michael Hall, Sixteen Candles

  • If you want be a party animal, you have to learn to live in the jungle. - Kelly LeBrock, Weird Science

  • If you don't cheer up, I'll blow your face off. - Kelly LeBrock, Weird Science

  • If we're going to have any fun together, you guys better learn to loosen up. - Kelly LeBrock, Weird Science

  • There's going to be sex, drugs, rock 'n roll. Chips, dips, chains, whips. - Kelly LeBrock, Weird Science

  • I did not achieve this position in life by having some snot-nosed punk leave my cheese out in the wind. - Jeffrey Jones, Ferris Beuller

  • You know what? I do want to express myself, okay? And I don't need 37 pieces of flair to do it. - Jennifer Aniston, Office Space

  • There is no spoon. - Rowan Witt, The Matrix

  • I'm okay with being unimpressive. I sleep better. - Peter Sarsgaard, Garden State

  • Mrs. Robinson, if you don't mind my saying so, this conversation is getting a little strange. - Dustin Hoffman, The Graduate

  • Quaffable, but… far from transcendent. - Paul Giamatti, Sideways

  • Where fast food for thought is served up twenty-four hours a day in forty thousand locations nationwide. - Robin Williams, AI: Artificial Intelligence

  • So you lie to yourself to be happy. There's nothing wrong with that. We all do it. - Joe Pantoliano, Memento

  • Don't sell yourself short, Judge. You're a tremendous slouch. - Chevy Chase, Caddyshack

  • Let's get our Christ on! Let's kick it Jesus-style! - Martin Donovan, Saved!

  • I figured they would have sent you to a "special" school by now. - Eva Amurri, Saved!

  • Off the record, on the QT, and very hush-hush. - Danny DeVito, LA Confidential

  • With counseling, I'm sure you'll come to forgive me. - Craig T. Nelson, The Incredibles

  • Suntory time! - Diamond Yukai, Lost In Translation

  • Adults are like a combination of sadness and phobias. - Kirsten Dunst, Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

  • Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating. - Jim Carrey, Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

  • Please let me keep this memory, just this one. - Jim Carrey, Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

  • I think my mask of sanity is about to slip. - Christian Bale, American Psycho

  • Hey, I'm a child of divorce. Give me a break. - Christian Bale, American Psycho

  • You better not be tellin' me porky pies. - Vinnie Jones, Snatch

  • You kids shouldn't play so rough. Somebody's gonna start cryin'. - Michael Madsen, Reservoir Dogs

  • Why do we feel it's necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable? - Uma Thurman, Pulp Fiction

  • Just because you are a character doesn't mean that you have character. - Harvey Keitel, Pulp Fiction

  • Morons? Your bus is leaving. - Bill Murray, Groundhog Day

  • Too early for flapjacks? - Bill Murray, Groundhog Day

  • I am insane, and you are my insanity. - Bruce Willis, 12 Monkeys

  • It's easy to tell the difference between right and wrong. What's hard is choosing the wrong that's more right. - Annette Bening, The Siege

  • I can only express puzzlement that borders on alarm. - Rick Gomez, Sin City

  • You are a sad, strange little man and you have my pity. - Tim Allen, Toy Story

  • My work here is done. Time for the ritualistic sex! - Vivica A. Fox, Idle Hands

  • Pfft. Too far. - Seth Green, Idle Hands

  • God gave men brains larger than dogs' so they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. - Angelina Jolie, Hackers

  • You're not real. You're copies of people out here in the world. - Steve Buscemi, The Island

  • Doesn't it give you, like, a shudder of electricity to be in the same room with me? - Gene Hackman, Superman

  • Come to me, son of Jor-El! Kneel before Zod! - Terrence Stamp, Superman II

  • I don't want to go to jail because there are robbers and rapers and rapers who rape robbers. - Richard Pryor, Superman III

  • The human heart is still subject to monstrous deceits. - Marlon Brando, Superman Returns

  • Are you like a crazy person? - Natalie Portman, V For Vendetta

  • A revolution without dancing is a revolution not worth having. - Hugo Weaving, V For Vendetta

  • You're frightfully inadequate for a deity, Darrel. - Russell Crowe, Virtuousity

  • You're twelve steppin' me to death here, bitch. - Jamie Kennedy, The Specials

  • Those pants make you look like you don't have any cock. Did I ever tell you that? - Jamie Kennedy, The Specials

  • Time is an illusion. Lunch time doubly so. - Mos Def, Hitchikers Guide to The Galaxy

  • He is Vigo! You are like the buzzing of flies to him! - Peter MacNicol, Ghostbusters 2

  • I want to retire in South America. I hear that's where the drugs come from. - Gary Kemp, Killing Zoe

  • Personally, I blame MTV. - Eamonn Walker, Lord of War

  • What kind of babbling bullshit is this? - Steven Seagal, Under Siege

  • I'm pumped! Let the healing begin! - Matt Damon, Good Will Hunting

  • I'm in my tree talking to the Dixie Chicks and they're making me feel better. - Naomi Watts, I ♥ Huckabees

  • I was thinking about chaining myself to a bulldozer. Do you want to come? - Jason Schwartzman, I ♥ Huckabees

  • I can't believe you guys actually exist. - Jason Schwartzman, I ♥ Huckabees

  • The universe is an infinite sphere whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere. - Dustin Hoffman, I ♥ Huckabees

  • I have no idea what you guys are talking about. I thought we were here to talk about petroleum. - Mark Wahlberg, I ♥ Huckabees

  • How do you know if you're happy or sad without a mask? Or angry? Or ready for dessert? - Jason Barry, Mirror Mask

  • Vas ist das "Limpet?!" - Oscar Beregi Jr., The Incredible Mr. Limpet

  • Since when did "tard" become politically incorrect? - Brian Cox, The Ringer

  • And that's the double truth, Ruth. - Samuel L. Jackson, Do The Right Thing

  • 10:45. Restate my assumptions. - Sean Gullette, π

  • Be careful who you pretend to be, because in the end you are who you pretend to be. - Nick Nolte, Mother Night

  • Fuck, man, this is better than Disneyland! - Frederic Forrest, Apocalypse Now

  • I'm trying to make a metaphor here. - Albert Finney, Big Fish

  • Have you ever felt like you're not in control of your life? - Delroy Lindo, A Life Less Ordinary

  • I wish you hadn't done that. Now I have to have to hurt you, which is inconvenient and undignified. - Stanley Tucci, A Life Less Ordinary

  • Wouldn't it be great if wars could be fought by the same assholes who started them? - Kevin Costner, The Postman

  • Maybe your dick's not so dumb. - Dan Akroyd, Spies Like Us

  • I've got two words for that: In Sane. - Tom Arnold, True Lies

  • This is getting to be ri-god-damn-diculous. - Luke Wilson, Anchorman

  • The following is based on actual events. Only the names, locations and events have been changed. - Christa Meola, Anchorman

  • Como estan, bitches? - Ben Stiller, Anchorman

  • I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song. - Will Ferrell, Anchorman

  • They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time. - Paul Rudd, Anchorman

  • You are a smelly pirate hooker! - Will Ferrell, Anchorman

  • Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island? - Will Ferrell, Anchorman

  • You've got a dirty whorish mouth. - Will Ferrell, Anchorman

  • I'm in a glass case of emotion! - Will Ferrell, Anchorman

  • I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot, right to the babymaker. - Will Ferrell, Anchorman

  • I immediately regret this decision. - Will Ferrell, Anchorman

  • Bark twice if you're in Milwaukee. - Will Ferrell, Anchorman

  • Great Odin's raven! - Will Ferrell, Anchorman

  • You're a real hooker. I'm gonna slap you in public. - Will Ferrell, Anchorman

  • I'm gonna shoot you with a BB gun when you're not looking. Yep, back of the head. - Will Ferrell, Anchorman

  • Don't act like you're not impressed. - Will Ferrell, Anchorman

  • Jazz flute is for little fairy boys. - Christina Applegate, Anchorman

  • You and I are mature adults. We've both seen our share of pornographic materials. - Fred Willard, Anchorman

  • People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. - Steve Carell, Anchorman

  • I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes, I have a nick name for my penis. - Paul Rudd, Anchorman

  • I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger. - John C. Reilly, Talladega Nights

  • I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt, 'cause it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party. - John C. Reilly, Talladega Nights

  • Is that a catchphrase or epilepsy? - Sacha Baron Cohen, Talladega Nights

  • I'm the best there is, plain and simple. When I wake up in the morning, I piss excellence. - Will Ferrell, Talladega Nights

  • I got you, Pepe Le Bitch! - Will Ferrell, Talladega Nights

  • Hakuna matata, bitches! - Sacha Baron Cohen, Talladega Nights

  • Did that blow your mind? That just happened! - Will Ferrell, Talladega Nights

  • And now the matador shall dance with the blind shoemaker. - Sacha Baron Cohen, Talladega Nights

  • I'm also thinking about getting a gun and dealing crack, being a crack dealer. Not like a mean crack dealer but like, like a nice one. - Will Ferrell, Talladega Nights

  • Personal philosophy: clothing optional. - Will Ferrell, Blades of Glory

  • We've met before, but something tells me you're going to remember me this time. - Kevin Spacey, American Beauty

  • The only way I could save myself now is if I start firebombing. - Kevin Spacey, American Beauty

  • It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself. - Kevin Spacey, American Beauty

  • I didn't mean to scare you. I just think you're interesting. - Wes Bentley, American Beauty

  • We're not gonna have a war, we're gonna have the appearance of a war. - Robert De Niro, Wag The Dog

  • It's like a dirty thought in a nice clean mind. - Christian Slater, Pump Up The Volume

  • Just look inside yourself and you'll see me waving up at you, naked, wearing only a cock ring. - Christian Slater, Pump Up The Volume

  • Do you ever get the feeling that everything in America is completely fucked up? - Christian Slater, Pump Up The Volume

  • At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. - James Downey, Billy Madison

  • Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out. - Adam Sandler, Billy Madison

  • Have you ever wondered if there was more to life other than being really, really, ridiculously good looking? - Ben Stiller, Zoolander

  • You is talking loco and I like it! - Owen Wilson, Zoolander

  • Who are you tryin' to get crazy with, ese? Don't you know I'm loco? - Owen Wilson, Zoolander

  • When you get a minute, could I get a list of the words that trigger these fits? - Eddie Griffin, Undercover Brother

  • Y'all gonna make me lose my mind up in here! - Chris Kattan, Undercover Brother

  • Mister Rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers." - Woody Harrelson, Natural Born Killers

  • You make every day feel like kindergarten. - Juliette Lewis, Natural Born Killers

  • Repetition works, David. Repetition works, David. - Robert Downey Jr., Natural Born Killers

  • Jesus Harold Christ on a fucking rubber crutch, is this happening to me?! - Tommy Lee Jones, Natural Born Killers

  • It's fate, you know. Nobody can stop fate. Nobody can. - Woody Harrelson, Natural Born Killers

  • I'm surprised Hollywood ain't caught up with you yet. Your story'd make a much better movie than that Serpico shit. - Tommy Lee Jones, Natural Born Killers

  • I'm not really as bad as they say I am. I'm actually a really nice person. - Juliette Lewis, Natural Born Killers

  • How's a fella like you get to be involved with psychos anyways? - Tommy Lee Jones, Natural Born Killers

  • You can't hide from your shadow. - Woody Harrelson, Natural Born Killers

  • I stick my right index finger in Wayne Newton's left eyeball. - Denis Leary, Natural Born Killers

  • You know who I really blame? The Pittsburgh Pirates. - Denis Leary, Natural Born Killers

  • In the ghetto, washing non-colourfast synthetics at 60 degrees could cost you your life. - Sacha Baron Cohen, Ali G Indahouse

  • A man even more eviler than Skeletor. - Sacha Baron Cohen, Ali G Indahouse

  • Booyakasha! - Sacha Baron Cohen, Ali G Indahouse

  • Whoo! Your rhymes are tight for a honkie! - Sacha Baron Cohen, Ali G Indahouse

  • No, only my friends can call me pigfucker. - Matt Stone, Baseketball

  • Wake up bitch! You're my new best friend! - Matt Stone, Baseketball

  • Did you just call me a fuckass? You can go suck a fuck! - Maggie Gyllenhaal, Donnie Darko

  • You're not a bitch. You're bitchin', but you're not a bitch. - Holmes Osborne, Donnie Darko

  • Don't you snap at me, unless you want an angry Solid Gold dancer on your hands. - Orlando Jones, Evolution

  • Rub some funk on it! - Orlando Jones, Evolution

  • BZZZZZ! - Chris Tucker, Fifth Element

  • Did I miss the butt whuppin'? - Amanda Bynes, Robots

  • Are you mental? Get the net! - Mike Meyer, Wayne's World

  • I once thought I had mono for an entire year. It turned out I was just really bored. - Mike Meyer, Wayne's World

  • She makes me feel kinda funny, like when we used to climb the rope in gym class. - Dana Carvey, Wayne's World

  • It's like a new pair of underwear. At first it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you. - Dana Carvey, Wayne's World

  • It's sucking my will to live! Oh, the humanity! - Dana Carvey, Wayne's World

  • Yes, I have a question. When did you turn into a nutbar? - Dana Carvey, Wayne's World 2

  • I hate my father. I hate my life. But I feel great! You guys are great! I'm gonna go pick a fight. - Chris Farley, Wayne's World 2

  • I'm a connoisseur of roads. I've been tasting roads my whole life. This road will never end. It probably goes all around the world. - River Phoenix, My Own Private Idaho

  • I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey. - Charles Gray, Rocky Horror Picture Show

  • It's not easy having a good time. - Tim Curry, Rocky Horror Picture Show

  • I see you shiver with antici… pation. - Tim Curry, Rocky Horror Picture Show

  • Did you know that cigarettes are a shield against meaningful interaction with people? - Paul Rudd, 200 Cigarettes

  • I can't figure out if you're a detective or a pervert. - Laura Dern, Blue Velvet

  • Baby wants to fuck blue velvet! - Dennis Hopper, Blue Velvet

  • Does this proposition entail my dressing up as Little Bo Peep? - Chevy Chase, Fletch

  • Can I borrow your towel for a sec? My car just hit a water buffalo. - Chevy Chase, Fletch

  • If you shoot me, you're liable to lose a lot of those humanitarian awards. - Chevy Chase, Fletch

  • For an extra grand, I'll let you take me out to dinner. - Chevy Chase, Fletch

  • It's all ball bearings nowadays. - Chevy Chase, Fletch

  • Ignorance is bliss, my friend. Don't burden yourself with the secrets of scary people. - Tom Wilkinson, Batman Begins

  • You're either out of your mind or you're crazy! - Topol, Fiddler on The Roof

  • If God lived on earth, people would break his windows. - Molly Picon, Fiddler on The Roof

  • So, we're pretty much friends by now, right? - Jon Heder, Napoleon Dynamite

  • So, you got my back and everything, right? - Jon Heder, Napoleon Dynamite

  • Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills. - Jon Heder, Napoleon Dynamite

  • I caught you a delicious bass. - Jon Heder, Napoleon Dynamite

  • I like your sleeves. They're real big. - Efren Ramirez, Napoleon Dynamite

  • My lips hurt real bad! - Jon Heder, Napoleon Dynamite

  • Back in '82, I used to be able to throw a pigskin a quarter mile. - Jon Gries, Napoleon Dynamite

  • Tina! Come get some ham! - Jon Heder, Napoleon Dynamite

  • Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it? That's what it is to be a slave. - Rutger Hauer, Blade Runner

  • I have had people walk out on me before, but not when I was being so charming. - Harrison Ford, Blade Runner

  • I like these calm little moments before the storm. It reminds me of Beethoven. - Gary Oldman, The Professional

  • Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of silly persons! - John Cleese, Monthy Python and The Holy Grail

  • I got some bad ideas in my head. - Robert De Niro, Taxi Driver

  • Excuse me while I go find a container for my joy. - Danielle Harris, Wild Thornberrys Movie

  • What is a bite on the butt amongst friends? Here, give me a nibble. - Sacha Baron Cohen, Madagascar

  • Welcome, giant pansies. Please feel free to bask in my glow. - Sacha Baron Cohen, Madagascar

  • Maurice, you did not raise your hand. Therefore, your heinous comment will be stricken from the record. - Sacha Baron Cohen, Madagascar

  • Can you not see you have insulted the freak? - Sacha Baron Cohen, Madagascar

  • Maybe you should put some shorts on or something if you want to keep fighting evil today. - Janeane Garofalo, Mystery Men

  • I don't need a compass to know which way the wind shines. - Ben Stiller, Mystery Men

  • See now, this is why mad scientists are generally less desirable than your common, garden variety scientist. - Janeane Garofalo, Mystery Men

  • Jagshemash! - Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat

  • Are you telling me the man who tried to put a rubber fist in my anus was a homosexual? - Sacha Baron Cohen, Borat

  • You see, a pimp's love is very different from that of a square. - Mike McCafferty, Idiocracy

  • Every civilization finds it necessary to negotiate compromises with its own values. - Lynn Cohen, Munich

  • That's touching, in a juvenile sort of way. - Geoffrey Rush, Munich

  • You act like you've never heard of the apocalypse. - Night Watch

  • You're no messiah. You're a movie of the week. You're a fucking t-shirt, at best. - Brad Pitt, Se7en

  • Ernest Hemingway once wrote, "The world is a fine place and worth fighting for." I agree with the second part. - Morgan Freeman, Se7en

  • People don't want a hero, they want to eat cheeseburgers, play the lotto and watch television. - Morgan Freeman, Se7en

  • A census taker tried to test me once. - Anthony Hopkins, The Silence of The Lambs

  • Unleash the fury, Mitch! - Tom Green, Road Trip

  • Did you kill a cheetah? - Seann William Scott, Road Trip

  • He's not the best colorman in the league for nothing, folks! - Bob Uecker, Major League

  • Dynamite drop-in, Monte. - Bob Uecker, Major League

  • I'm in a world of shit, yes. But I am alive. And I am not afraid. - Matthew Modine, Full Metal Jacket

  • I didn't know they stacked shit that high! - R. Lee Ermey, Full Metal Jacket

  • What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? - R. Lee Ermey, Full Metal Jacket

  • Hey, you got girlfriend Vietnam? Me so horny. Me love you long time. - Papillon Soo, Full Metal Jacket

  • Sir, does this mean Ann Margaret's not coming? - Matthew Modine, Full Metal Jacket

  • Do you feel dizzy? Do you feel faint! Jesus H. Christ! I think you've got a hard-on! - R. Lee Ermey, Full Metal Jacket

  • Little did he know that this simple seemingly innocuous act would result in his imminent death. - Emma Thompson, Stranger Than Fiction

  • Let's start with ridiculous and move backwards. - Dustin Hoffman, Stranger Than Fiction

  • Terrific! A six demon bag, sensational! What's in it, Egg? - Kurt Russell, Big Trouble in Little China

  • Your metaphors are magical, but shut the hell up! Please? - Dane Cook, Employee of The Month

  • You probably shouldn't be digging in your ass. - Tony Cox, Bad Santa

  • I assure you, this behavior is utterly without precedent! Plus, it never happened before! - Larry Miller, Max Keeble's Big Move

  • Strange things are afoot at the Circle K. - Keanu Reeves, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

  • Let's see how you like my… COCK ROCKET! - Dian Bachar, Orgasmo

  • How would Christ benefit from me putting my tongue in someone's mouth? - Trey Parker, Orgasmo

  • Have you seen that movie Clash of the Titans? I don't wanna sound like a queer or nothin', but I think unicorns are kick ass! - Matt Stone, Orgasmo

  • Bring me my stunt cock! - Michael Dean Jacobs, Orgasmo

  • One more time for Jesus! - Trey Parker, Orgasmo

  • Henceforth, we're all to be known as Team Alpha Super Awesome Cool Dynamite Wolf Squadron! - Eddie Murphy, Shrek The Third

 

Television

  • It's a destiny thing. Enjoy it. - Rebecca Gayheart, Dead Like Me

  • Well, shave my poodle! - Michael Ian Black, Ed

  • Ten bucks if you yell "I love kitties" at the top of your lungs. - Josh Randall, Ed

  • I was wondering, how much power does the prom queen actually wield? Could you have like, say, bombed Belgium? - Tom Cavanagh, Ed

  • I can never decide if you're totally adorable or totally creepy. - Julie Bowen, Ed

  • Can't talk. Eating fried pie. Experiencing nirvana. - Josh Randall, Ed

  • Lighten up a little bit. It's only the end of the world. - Michael Trucco, Battlestar Galactica

  • Is this like nerd hot talk? - Stockard Channing, The West Wing

  • I have no idea where this will lead us, but I have a definite feeling it will be a place both wonderful and strange. - Kyle MacLachlan, Twin Peaks

  • I feel like I know her, but sometimes my arms bend back. - Sheryl Lee, Twin Peaks

  • Diane, never drink coffee that has been anywhere near a fish. - Kyle MacLachlan, Twin Peaks

  • Sounds like you've been snacking on some of the local mushrooms. - Miguel Ferrer, Twin Peaks

  • She's filled with secrets. Where we're from, the birds sing a pretty song, and there's always music in the air. - Michael J. Anderson, Twin Peaks

  • Oh my God, the dead have risen! And they're voting Republican! - Nancy Cartwright, The Simpsons (Sideshow Bob Roberts)

  • I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich. - Dan Castellaneta, The Simpsons (Homerpalooza)

  • Can't sleep… clown will eat me… - Nancy Cartwright, The Simpsons (Lisa's First Word)

  • I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. - Harry Shearer, The Simpsons (Deep Space Homer)

  • You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine! - Dan Castellaneta, The Simpsons (So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show)

  • Have you ever run 55 kilometers with a hard biscuit strapped to your taint? - Oscar Nuñez, Reno 911! (Terrorist Training, Part 1)

  • C is for cookie and cookie is for me! - Cookie Monster, Sesame Street

  • Let's hug it out, bitch. - Jeremy Piven, Entourage

  • I just can't take the begging. I'll relent, just once - but no cuddling after, and I won't call you in the morning. - Jason Dohring, Veronica Mars

  • Come on, everyone! Let's Wang Chung tonight! What? Everybody Wang Chung tonight! Wang Chung or I'll kick your ass! - Jason Dohring, Veronica Mars

  • It's all fun and games until one of you gets my foot up your ass. - Kristen Bell, Veronica Mars

  • Am I naked? Because in my nightmares I'm usually naked. - Kristen Bell, Veronica Mars

  • If I ever die, do me a favor. Go on Oprah and tell the world that I loved kittens. - Kristen Bell, Veronica Mars

  • I'll try to live up to your stereotype. - Tuc Watkins, Desperate Housewives (If There's Anything I Can't Stand)

 

Books

  • Our masters have not heard the people's voice for generations, and it is much, much louder than they care to remember. - Alan Moore, V For Vendetta

  • For three years I had roses and apologized to no one. - Alan Moore, V For Vendetta

  • Who knows but that, on the lower frequencies, I speak for you? - Ralph Ellison, The Invisible Man

  • All we ever see of stars are their old photographs. - Alan Moore, Watchmen

  • If time is not true, what purpose have watchmakers? - Alan Moore, Watchmen

  • War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength. - George Orwell, 1984

  • I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space, were it not that I have bad dreams. - Shakespeare, Hamlet

  • A tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. - Shakespeare, Macbeth

  • "The time has come," said the walrus, "to speak of many things." - Lewis Carroll, Through The Looking Glass

  • We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad. - Lewis Carroll, Alice In Wonderland

  • There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

  • A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. - Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

  • You seek for knowledge and wisdom, as I once did; and I ardently hope that the gratification of your wishes may not be a serpent to sting you, as mine has been. - Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

  • "Man," I cried, "how ignorant art thou in thy pride of wisdom!" - Mary Shelley, Frankenstein

  • So long as man remains free he strives for nothing so incessantly and so painfully as to find someone to worship. - Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

  • The mind is its own place and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. - John Milton, Paradise Lost

  • You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. - Mark Twain, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

  • I am become a knight of the Kingdom of Dreams and Shadows! - Mark Twain, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

  • There is no intelligence where there is no change and no need of change. - H.G. Wells, The Time Machine

  • It is a sad fate for a people to be defined for posterity by their enemies. - Mark Kurlansky, Salt: A World History

  • That's a lot of whiskey and women, Devil-Man. - Henry Goodman, Meeting with the Devil at the Crossroads

  • It is extraordinary how often angels and fools do the same thing in this life. - Apsley Cherry-Garrard, The Worst Journey in the World

 

Music

  • Who do you trust when everyone's a crook? - Queensryche, Revolution Calling

  • So let us not talk falsely now. The hour is getting late. - Bob Dylan, All Along The Watchtower

  • You play with my world like it's your little toy. - Bob Dylan, Masters of War

  • Only a fool in here would think he's got anything to prove. - Bob Dylan, Things Have Changed

  • I used to care, but things have changed. - Bob Dylan, Things Have Changed

  • Careening through the universe, your axis on a tilt, you're guiltless and free. I hope you take a piece of me with you. - Third Eye Blind, Motorcycle Driveby

  • We become the things we do. - Third Eye Blind, Blinded

  • When I see you it's like I'm staring down the sun. - Third Eye Blind, Blinded

  • Down here in the atmosphere, garbage and city lights… - Our Lady Peace, Somewhere Out There

  • I hope you remember me when you're homesick and need a change. - Our Lady Peace, Somewhere Out There

  • I walk in the air, between the rain, through myself and back again. - Counting Crows, Round Here

  • We all want something beautiful. - Counting Crows, Mr. Jones

  • I been workin' at it ever since I came to this planet. I ain' quite there, but I'm gettin' better at it. - Ciara, Goodies

  • I'm so glad our paths crossed this time today, on our way into the night. - Dave Matthews Band, Granny

  • Why are you different? Why are you that way? - Dave Matthews Band, Typical Situation

  • Could I have been anyone other than me? - Dave Matthews Band, Dancing Nancies

  • A little bit of heaven and a little bit of hell yeah. - Dave Matthews Band, Cornbread

  • Jesus freaks, out in the street, handing tickets out for God… - Elton John, Tiny Dancer

  • You can see I'm in no shape for driving, and anyway I've got no place to go. - Gin Blossoms, Hey Jealousy

  • 'Cause tomorrow's just another day and I don't believe in time. - Hootie, Time

  • Pantomime mixtures of heaven and earth, jumbled events that have less than no worth… - Phish, Theme From The Bottom

  • It's a crazy, crazy mixed up town, but it's the rattlesnake I fear. - Live, Rattlesnake

  • I may say that I love this man and that man but what keeps me from loving you? - Live, Brothers Unaware

  • Flags and mental jewelry's all I know, and they keep me happy and warm inside. - Live, Mirror Song

  • I talk of freedom. You talk of the flag. - Live, White, Discussion

  • Words are useless, especially sentences. - Madonna, Bedtime Story

  • Today is the last day that I'm using words. - Madonna, Bedtime Story

  • Let's get unconscious, honey. - Madonna, Bedtime Story

  • Are you listening? Can you hear me? Have you forgotten? - Matchbox 20, Rest Stop

  • If it's the same to you, I'll just hang. - Matchbox 20, Hang

  • Once I had my heroes. Once I had my dreams. But all of that has changed now. - Moby, That's When I Reach For My Revolver

  • As long as you're a stranger you'll stay perfect to me. - Patti Rothberg, Perfect Stranger

  • It's tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time, it's tricky! - Run DMC, It's Tricky

  • I'm gonna pick up some beer, stay at home and stare at my Claire Danes poster. - Size 14, Claire Danes Poster

  • Oil, gold and sand: my sediments precisely. - Disposable Heroes of Hiphopracy, The Winter of The Long Hot Summer

  • Please allow me to introduce myself. I'm a man of wealth and taste. - Rolling Stones, Sympathy For The Devil

  • War, children. It's just a shot away. - Rolling Stones, Gimme Shelter

  • It's not easy facing up when your whole world is black. - Rolling Stones, Paint It Black

  • He can't be a man 'cuz he doesn't smoke the same cigarettes as me. - Rolling Stones, Satisfaction

  • I think the time is right for a palace revolution. - Rolling Stones, Street Fighting Man

  • Everybody shouts on I Love Lucy. - Sisters of Mercy, Doctor Jeep

  • I don't exist when you don't see me. - Sisters of Mercy, When you Don't See Me

  • I'm throwing off the shadow of a better man. - Sisters of Mercy, When You Don't See Me

  • Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage. - Smashing Pumpkins, Bullets With Butterfly Wings

  • A seven nation army couldn't hold me back. - White Stripes, Seven Nation Army

  • Hey, Devil Boy, we're gonna blow your house in. - Seven Mary Three, Devil Boy

  • I wake up to steal the sun from her glory. - Seven Mary Three, Punch In Punch Out

  • I'm only one cigarette away from mobility. - Seven Mary Three, Punch In Punch Out

  • There's only one chance left, and I know where she's waiting. - Seven Mary Three, Punch In Punch Out

  • If I stay lucky then my tongue'll stay tied. - Seven Mary Three, Lucky

  • We're like sheep without a shepherd. We don't know how to be alone. - Eagles, Learn To Be Still

  • One more starry-eyed messiah meets a violent farewell. - Eagles, Learn To Be Still

  • How do I get out of here? Where do I fit in? - Eagles, Learn To Be Still

  • Some dance to remember, some dance to forget. - Eagles, Hotel California

  • Call someplace paradise, kiss it goodbye. - Eagles, The Last Resort

  • You better let somebody love you, before it's too late. - Eagles, Desperado

  • Men get lost sometimes as years unfurl. - Don Henley, New York Minute

  • I think I love you. What is your name again? - Alanis Morissette, Princes Familiar

  • There's a little black spot on the sun today. - The Police, King of Pain

  • You have to be trusted by the people that you lie to. - Pink Floyd, Dogs

  • I could use a little fuel myself and we could all use a little change. - Smashmouth, All Star

  • I'm out of this world. Come with me to my planet. - Nelly Furtado, Promiscuous

  • Can you help me unravel my latest mistake? - Anna Nalick, Breathe (2 a.m.)

  • Did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there? - Train, Drops of Jupiter

  • Can this world really be as sad as it seems? - Nine Inch Nails, Terrible Lie

  • It's still getting worse after everything I've tried. - Nine Incha Nails, Sanctified

  • Maybe my kingdom's finally come. - Nine Inch Nails, Sanctified

  • My moral standing is lying down. - Nine Inch Nails, The Only Time

  • If I was twice the man I could be, I'd still be half of what you need. - Nine Inch Nails, Ringfinger

  • I try to laugh about it now, but isn't it funny how everything works out? - Nine Inch Nails, Down In It

  • If I can't have everything well then just give me a taste. - Nine Inch Nails, Sin

  • This is the first day of my last days. - Nine Inch Nails, Wish

  • Superman, where are you now? - Genesis, Land of Confusion

  • I've got a flask inside my pocket. We can share it on the train. - Bright Eyes, Lua

  • If you promise to stay conscious, I'll try and do the same. - Bright Eyes, Lua

  • We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain. - Bright Eyes, Lua

  • What was normal in the evening by the morning seems insane. - Bright Eyes, Lua

  • Awake! Shake dreams from your hair, my pretty child, my sweet one. - Jim Morrison

  • All I got is a red guitar, three chords and the truth. - U2, All Along The Watchtower

  • Am I buggin' you? 'cuz I don't mean to bug ya. - U2, Silver and Gold

  • Ok, Edge, play the blues. - U2, Silver and Gold

  • Some people call me the space cowboy, some call me the gangster of love. - Steve Miller Band, The Joker

  • Cashing Satan's checks with my dick in my hand. - Monster Magnet, 3rd Eye Landslide

  • Sweet little slice, I'll give you what you need. - Monster Magnet, 3rd Eye Landslide

  • Your moony face, so inaccessible. - Mike Doughty, I Hear The Bells

  • You snooze, you lose. Well, I have snost and lost. - Mike Doughty, I Hear The Bells

  • Meet me in outerspace. - Incubus, Stellar

  • Even heroes have the right to bleed. - Five For Fighting, Superman

  • All I wanted was a Pepsi, just one Pepsi, and she wouldn't give it to me! - Suicidal Tendencies, Institutionalized

  • Let me tell you my story. I've got a man-sized predicament. And it's a big one! - Kiss, Domino

  • I'm gonna stick it in your heart of chrome. - Kiss, Heart of Chrome

  • Testosterone boys and harlequin girls, will you dance to this beat? - Panic! At The Disco, Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off

  • Squint your eyes and look closer. - Alana Davis, 32 Flavors

  • Shut your eyes and sing to me. - Snow Patrol, Shut Your Eyes

  • Model citizen, zero discipline. - Van Halen, Panama

  • I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. - Johnny Cash, Folsom Prison Blues

 

Other quotes

  • Welcome to my home page! I kiss you! - Mahir

  • …and miles to go before I sleep. - Robert Frost, Miles to Go Before I Sleep

  • Please try to ignore my massive erection. - Some guy's t-shirt