Yesterday afternoon while I was standing outside my office with a cigarette, I saw an almost accident. Some guy in a big ass SUV pulled away from a curb without checking traffic and he cut off a woman in a smallish sedan. At least I'm guessing that's what happened. I wasn't paying much attention until the distinctive tire sound of a sudden stop turned my head.
As both drivers passed in front of me, I saw the SUV driver's wife mocking him a little and the woman behind them cursing and sputtering and taking out her frustrations on the steering wheel. Which reminds me of one of my all-time favorite ideas.
Wouldn't it be cool if every car had a built-in phone, and if that phone's number was the car's license plate number? That way when somebody cuts you off, you can call him up and tell him what a pig fucker he is.
And then he'll pull over and beat your ass with a tire iron.
Ok, shut up! I didn't say it was a good idea.
posted at 12/19/2006 08:14 am : Permalink
Categorized General : Tagged accident, idea, stupidity
*a/k/a "All about my weekend" (Isn't "Highlights and lowlifes" such a great title? I've seen it used on many blogs before but I'm not going to let that stop me from stealing it for myself.)
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The Chicken went to a friend's bowling alley birthday party on Saturday. (I love the way that sounds… bowling alley birthday party. If I had a use for it, I'd register bowlingalley-birthdayparty.com. Maybe that's what I'll name my hypothetical band instead.) Chicken had a great time with it. When his first roll didn't prove as easy as he hoped, his first impulse was to give up. But he stuck with it, partially due to the fact that the other kids were having fun and partially due to the fact that Bunny and I were just about throwing him into the game, and he ended up really enjoying himself. He bowled three games and had one strike and one spare to show for it.
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Car accident Saturday night. Awesome! Some dumbass ran into us while we were pulling into the driveway. I knew this was going to happen eventually. We live on a busy street and people are always riding our bumper, and sometimes honking and cursing at us, as we slow to pull into the driveway.
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I take great satisfaction in the knowledge that the twit who smacked into us will not only be buying us a new bumper, but ended up with (probably) several citations. I have no idea what the cops did, but they could have issued tickets for anything from driving without a seatbelt to driving without a valid license. When I overheard the cop say "We've got a problem here, Ashley… your license expired last year," I had to really fight the urge to roll out a good Nelson-style "Ha ha!"
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Clerks II blows. That movie was so bad. It had some entertaining moments, but it's easily the dimmest star in Kevin Smith's constellation. However… the "Goodbye, Horses" sequence cracked me up. That part all by itself made the rental worthwhile. I'm so glad they went all the way with it and included "the tuck."
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My dad called yesterday. His mother died last Friday. I don't regret not visiting her one final time. I didn't ask him about any funeral services.
posted at 12/11/2006 08:35 am : Permalink
Categorized General, Music, movies, books, TV : Tagged accident, birthday, bowling, Bunny, Chicken, Clerks II, Dad, Grandma, party
I've been really, really lazy lately. I'm in a slump and I haven't felt like posting. Guess what? I still don't feel like posting.
So I'm just going to throw out a fistful of oddball links.
Just about everything has a website dedicated to it, so it shouldn't have surprised me when I found one dedicated to the metal bikini Princess Leia wore in Return of The Jedi.
Here is a recipe for broiled goat cheese with pumpkin seed sauce.
ABC News says fat people are not really jolly after all.
Rupert Murdoch has a MySpace page.
A 18 year-old California girl was assing around on the freeway with her shiny new Mustang and killed some of the royal family of Tonga. How much does that suck?
With crime dramatically rising, Washington D.C. is apparently descending into the lower levels of hell. Among recent crimes:
On Tuesday night, two women from Texas were robbed at gunpoint by two men dressed in all black, said U.S. Park Police Sgt. Scott Fear. [Emphasis mine.]
How fucking cool is that? The guy's name is Sergeant Fear. I love that. All police departments should have a guy named Sergeant Fear.
posted at 07/13/2006 01:06 am : Permalink
Categorized Huh?, News : Tagged accident, MySpace, Princess Leia, recipe, Tonga