At the close of this week's season five finale, with the big showdown between the last two contestants, one person will be a loser and the other person will still be a loser.

Henceforth it shall be forbidden for my favorite radio station to air their favorite American Idol clips. If I wanted to hear performances from American Idol, I'd, you know… watch the damn show.

Failure to comply with this decree will result in a severe ass whupping with a Hot Wheels race track.

That is all. You may return to your lives, citizens.