• Cheesy Poofs, the retired BBW stripper, is on the local news right now. After she gave up throwing her massive panties at drunk men, she went on to found a children's charity.

• In my neighborhood, there is a magnificent hole. (But enough about Bunny.) The city is working on sewer lines or something like that around the corner. For two or three days last week our street was closed to through traffic. This was pure heaven.

• With as much hair as Mittens the kitten sheds, I don't understand how she's not bald. She was just sitting on my lap for about 30 minutes and she left behind around 200 hairs on my dark blue shirt. This cat must have an amazing ability to produce hair. Are the Rogaine people studying this?

• The nasty amount of cat hair clinging to the front of my shirt requires I get friendly with my lint brush. It's not a lint roller because it's not one of those cheap masking tape contraptions. It's heavy wood and has bristles and what not. It's not really a "lint remover" since it only works when the brush moves in one direction. If I move the brush in the other direction, it becomes a "lint adder," which makes it sound like a poisonous snake that lives in the dryer. It might be less dangerous if it was a snake. I've somehow managed to whack myself in the balls more than once while using this lint brush.

• The Chicken has pretty much mastered his bicycle. Just this weekend he learned to start himself from a full stop. The only big thing left to learn is using the brakes, which, you know, might prove useful someday.

I just now walked into the bedroom. The cat, Bubbles, was lying in her usual spot at the foot of the bed. She turned to look at me and stood to stretch. Then she shook her head like she might have been clearing water out of her ears. This action produced a sound exactly like a dog's squeaky toy.

This goes a long way toward explaining that whole dogs trying to eat cats business.