Tag archives for celebrity

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Sauce for the goose

I know I'm a few days late and so I've now passed into the realm of "are people still talking about this?" but this is still on my mind, so I'm going to talk about it anyway. Apparently Dog the Bounty Hunter is a racist meathead. I really could not care less about that. However, I do care about his crucifixion. That part is fascinating.

Do you know the story? I've only skimmed articles, because it's really not that interesting, so I only think I know what's going on. As I understand it, Dog's son has/had a girlfriend who just so happens to be black. This displeases Dog. In a telephone conversation (tape recorded and released to the public by Dog's son), Dog told his boy he had to break up with the young woman because she's black.

And Dog dropped the N-bomb.

Gasp!

Before going farther, let's clarify. Dog is a racist meathead. That much I do not dispute. But who cares what the hell he thinks? The guy has a hair cut that screams "I own every Great White album ever made, even the Japanese imports." I'm not going to hang a whole lot on his opinion. Besides… he's allowed to be racist. It's distasteful, but everyone is allowed their own opinions.

It doesn't bother me that A&E yanked his show over the incident. They're protecting their brand image. It's their right to yank any show at any time for any reason.

What gets under my skin is the attention paid to The N Word. Playing a frantic game of CYA, Dog himself said:

My sincerest, heartfelt apologies go out to every person I have offended for my regrettable use of very inappropriate language. I am deeply disappointed in myself for speaking out of anger to my son and using such a hateful term in a private phone conversation. It was completely taken out of context. I was disappointed in his choice of a friend, not due to her race, but her character. However, I should have never used that term.

 
I am so sick of this convoluted set of rules we're all trying to follow. Who can say nigger? When can they say it? In what context? To hell with it all.

Why is it ok when Ludacris says it, but not ok when Dog says it? And don't think it's because Ludacris is black and Dog is white. If Ludacris called Dog a honky or a blue-eyed devil or "The Man," no one would care. No one would care if Dog said those things either. It's all about The N Word, but only when a person who is not black says it.

Think about the movies you've seen, the books you've read and the songs you've heard. It's not unusual to find The N Word thrown around quite a bit by black people. It's socially unacceptable for any non-black person to ever say nigger, in any context. And yet it's ok for every black person to say it, in every context? That makes no damn sense at all.

If we have two sets of rules, one for black people and one for everyone else… isn't that the opposite of racial equality? Why does no one lose their mind when Luda says " 'cuz these niggas all up in my shit?" If it's ok for Luda to say it, it should be ok for Dog to say it too. If it's not ok for Dog, it shouldn't be ok for Luda either. Anything less than one single set of rules that applies to everyone is an impediment to true social justice.

Perhaps the most important element of this is one I've not yet mentioned. It's. Just. A. Word. Words like "nigger" continue to have power because we all choose to give them power.

During my lifetime, the word "bitch" has slowly evolved from a hateful term to one used as an all-purpose exclamation and even a term of endearment. If Archie Bunker had said bitch in 1973, there would have been an uproar. 30 years later no one cared how, or how many times, Matt LeBlanc said it on Friends.

We took all the power away from the word "bitch." The word has been completely emasculated, simply because we've all decided it doesn't hurt us anymore. Isn't it about time we do the same thing to "nigger?"

Link:

Go Away, Lindsay Lohan

Friday, February 9, 2007

We're all doomed

The other day I was in the car and I heard Bowling For Soup's "High School Never Ends." This wasn't the first time I'd heard the song. In fact, I'd heard it often enough that I knew some of the words and could have sung along if I'd wanted.

I don't know what was different about this listening, but I felt like I was truly hearing it for the first time.

The whole damn world is just as obsessed
with who's the best dressed and who's having sex
who's got the money, who gets the honeys
who's kinda cute and who's just a mess.

That's crushing, because they're right.

Who's this the mayor's dicking? Did you hear about the astronaut's diapers? OMG! Can you believe Anna Nicole died?

Is that all we are? Are we just gossips at the back fence? Is there anything left in us that isn't sex and money, death and celebrity? Is Bowling For Soup a harbinger of destruction? Is this song a warning, a subtle scream meant to shake us from the path to Idiocracy?

They're right; there's nothing left of us. Our best is in our past. We are doomed. Our future will be nothing but an endless cycle of envy and schadenfreude as we elevate the meritless only to revel in their failures. Bowling For Soup has shown us the truth.

I despaired.

Then I remembered: it's just Bowling For Fucking Soup.

Then I felt a lot better.

Friday, September 29, 2006

Don't I just suck?

Off and on for the last week or so I've been working on a technical how-to post. It's about using conditional CSS to improve the display of hyperlinks. It's well-written, informative and completely fucking boring. You know it's got to be boring if even I can't stand it. It's not really even that useful, it's just something that struck me a week ago.

Yeah, not so striking anymore.

 

The thing that inspired me to write the whole thing in the first place is that I wanted a solution to differentiate between my own internal links and links to some other site. I had this worked out and implemented in the crumbs blogskin. And it stayed there for about two hours before I got bored with it and killed it again.

If you're using Internet Explorer, you would never have seen it anyway.

 

The absolute worst thing about being a celebrity has got to be losing all the people you can trust to tell you the truth. Do you think celebs ever realize that one by one their real friends have vanished and they're surrounded by toadying yesmen? (Not that they're all men, but "yespersons" sounds fucking stupid.)

Example: Lindsay Lohan. She used to be absolutely adorable. She was one of those rare women who managed to pull off sexy and innocent simultaneously.

Old Lindsay

Somewhere along the line she found her inner skank. Over the past year or two she's turned so nasty celebrity gossip sites have taken to calling her "Firecrotch." Not just one or two gossip sites, but pretty much all of them. That's her rep. That's her image these days.

Firecrotch

I'm pretty sure that wouldn't have happened if she still had one true friend.

Wednesday, November 9, 2005

The price of fame

Never having been famous (my delusions don't count), I can only guess how things really work for celebrities. But it seems to me that all famous people have one thing in common: a lack of trusted friends.

Famous people seem to be surrounded only by sycophants who won't give honest advice.

You can tell that Ricky Martin is famous by the fact that no one he trusts has told him lately what a bad idea it is to appear on television with a fauxhawk.

Thursday, October 6, 2005

By Royal Decree

I, Sir Kanga von PimpinKat, do hereby forbid the use of cutesy celebrity name contractions. From this moment forth, "Brangelina," "Bennifer," and "TomKat" are stricken from the English language. Furthermore, I place a permanent moratorium on the creation of new, similar names.

Violate this decree and you shall risk a painful death.

That is all. You may return to your lives, citizens.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Everybody else is doing it

So. About that Michael Jackson thing. I was thinking about the verdict today and I wondered about celebrity justice in general. As I'm sure you've noticed, celebrities accused of crimes tend to be found not guilty more often than poor nobodies.

Everybody knows why it works out that way. It's the money. Celebrities can afford to spend lots of money on lawyers. The fancy high-priced legal team then weasels their client out of trouble. Regardless of guilt or innocence, I think we can all agree that if Jackson had a public defender, he'd be on his way to prison today.

So this brings to mind one question. Do rich celebrities pervert justice, or is it that they're the only ones who can afford justice?

Saturday, April 9, 2005

From studio 8H in Rockefeller Center… it's Weekend Update!

With Tina Fey and Amy Poehler!

I'm Tina Fey… and I'm Amy Poehler. Here are tonight's top stories.

[Editor's note: Tina and Amy aren't actually writing this. I'm channeling them. And by channeling, I mean "fantasizing about a threesome."]

***

Mehmet Ali Agca, the would-be assassin who shot Pope John Paul II in 1981, is mourning the Pope's death according to Agca's lawyer.

When reached for comment, Agca said, "So I shot him. It's not like I wanted him to die or anything."

MSNBC

***

Ms. Wheelchair Wisconsin was stripped of her title after a newspaper photo showed her standing among high school students. Janeal Lee of Kaukauna, Wisconsin has muscular dystrophy and normally uses a motorized scooter. Clarifying the pageant's bylaws, an official explained that Lee's ability to stand was not the issue, but rather that she was seen in public standing.

So apparently everything would have been ok had Lee merely pretended to be more crippled.

CNN

***

In suburban Toronto an intoxicated motorist tried to fool a breathalyzer test by stuffing his mouth with his own feces. The feces did not have an effect on the test, and police charged the man for drunk driving.

Man, that's desperation. I'd have let him go just to recognize his effort. Respect!

Toronto Sun

***

Researchers at Duke University have published a study concerning celebrity status among monkeys. The study showed that monkeys would rather view pictures of popular monkeys than engage in any other activity.

If the study's findings can be applied to other primates, we're a lot closer to understanding why we're still interested in that walking train wreck Britney Spears.

ABC News

***

A California survey found that most high school students view oral sex as safer, more acceptable, and "not as big a deal" as intercourse.

When asked for comment, Bill Clinton said, "Finally, people are starting to understand my legacy."

CBS News

***

A recent survey found that nearly 24% of West Germans wanted the Berlin Wall back. Further, 58 percent of West Berliners agreed that "East Germans are inclined to pity themselves" and 47 percent of East Berliners agreed that "West Germans conquered the former East Germany in colonial style."

And a big arbeit macht frei to you too.
[I know this isn't funny. At all. I'm sticking it in anyway, so deal with it.]

Seattle Post Intelligencer

***

After a love affair spanning more than three decades, today Prince Charles wed Camilla Parker Bowles.

In related news, someone almost cared.

New York Times

***

Last week Pat Buchanan was in the middle of a speaking engagement at Western Michigan University when a protester doused him with salad dressing. Buchanan immediately ended the question and answer session and left to clean himself.

If I'd known that salad dressing is all you need to get this guy to shut up, I'd have been doing this for years.

CNN

***

For Weekend Update, I'm Tina Fey [so hot, want to touch the heinie] and I'm Amy Poehler [and her heinie, too]. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.