The big centerpiece of the weekend, as it usually is, was Saturday. Nearly the entire day was spent waiting for night. Girlfriend and I were taking Sister out drinking for her birthday. And that's really all that happened Saturday, so I'll just jump right into that.
I took The Kid to Girlfriend's sister's house to spend the night (wink, wink) and we went to pick up Sister at her place. The three of us arrived at our favorite watering hole around 10.
That early in the night, the place is pretty slow. We got our drinks and decided to play pool while the tables weren't crowded with people who actually have some skill at the game. See, we like to play pool, but we all really suck at it.
I was sticking a few quarters into the table when I noticed a pal of mine walking in. Lazy Roomie saw me and wandered over to join our game. He was looking his usual "needs a bath and a shave" self that night.
The four of us stayed in our corner for a bit, comically chasing billiard balls around and doing some heavy duty people watching. And Sweet Fancy Moses, there were some people to watch. Apparently the bar was hosting some kind of impromptu costume party. None of the employees knew what the deal was with that, so it was not something actually arranged by the bar.
Just a private gathering of people in costumes, I guess. Within earshot, someone asked the chubby cowgirl about the costumes. Chubby cowgirl responded that it was the Halloween party for a local swingers club.
A swingers club? Rock out with your cock out. That's the coolest thing I've heard in, uhh… well, since the last really cool thing I heard. The swingers looked nothing like I would have expected. I expected that for the most part they would be attractive enough that complete strangers might actually want to have sex with them.
This was not the case. Most of them were so ugly, I wouldn't nail them with a stolen dick.
But their costume selections were pretty entertaining. There was a woman wearing a black sack-style dress adorned with two very large felt electrical outlets, one over the groin and one over the chest. Her companion was wearing black jeans, a black t-shirt, and a homemade foam contraption that looked like a cross between a diaper and an electrical plug.
There was a woman wearing a very cool half angel/half devil costume. Sister and I both lusted after her excellent angel wings.
There was a French maid, a cowboy, a witch, a guy wearing white robes and a mask that made him look like Alice Cooper's dad (when he took the mask off, he still looked like Alice Cooper's dad), a wizard, a younger man wearing women's SpongeBob pajamas, and an assortment of people whose costume intentions could not be discerned but whom Sister so eloquently described as "SSLLLUUUUTTTSSS!" (You've got to say it just like that, she says.)
Fairly early in the evening we abandoned the pool table and camped out next to the dart board near the bar. We can actually play darts. We still suck at it, but not as obviously. Besides, right by the dart board is a great spot to people watch.
And people watch we did. Unusually for us, we hardly sounded the Hootchie Alarm at all. Sister made up for this shortcoming by saying SSLLLUUUUTTTSSS! every few minutes.
Anyway, while we were playing darts is when I got my little bit of action. The cheerleader was standing near the bar right next to the scratch line taped on the floor. While making my way to the line, I was overwhelmed with a desire to get some of those boobies.
I was thinking to myself, "This cheerleader is tall, thin, leggy, reasonably attractive, long blonde hair, short skirt, pert boobies. So what if he's actually a man?"
So I just reached out and gave him a friendly little squeeze. For reference, Nerf boobies are not very satisfying. I violated a man in drag, and it wasn't even very much fun. And it turns out that he's surprisingly modest for a swinger. He looked shocked and genuinely offended. The cheerleader's companions, however, thought this was the most deliciously entertaining thing they'd ever seen, judging by their laughter.
Kristi Yamaoka