(At the bus stop)
The Chicken: Dad?
Me: Yeah?
Chicken: What's your favorite car?
Me: 1974 series 3 Jaguar XKE convertible, red paint, cream interior.
Chicken: Oh. My favorite car is the slug bug.
Me: Yeah?
Chicken: Yeah. Can you still buy slug bugs?
Me: Yeah, they're a current car. But you and your cousins are the only ones who call it a slug bug.
Chicken: What does everyone else call it?
Me: Volkswagon Beetle.
Chicken: That's it's name?
Me: Yeah.
(pause)
Chicken: Dad?
Me: Yeah?
Chicken: What's your favorite car?
Me: I just told you. 1974 series 3 Jaguar XKE convertible, red paint, cream interior.
(pause)
Chicken: I have no idea what you're saying.
posted at 09/11/2007 08:29 am : Permalink
Categorized Snippets : Tagged Beetle, bus stop, car, Chicken, Jaguar
Yesterday evening The Bunny, The Chicken and I went to a grocery store deli for dinner. After the store, Bunny needed to stop by the post office for a few stamps. The post office was closed, but the lobby with the stamp machines is open 24 hours a day.
Bunny marched into the building with Chicken while I waited in the car. Time passed. A lot of time. Much more time than would normally be required to buy stamps from a machine. After five or six minutes, Chicken came out to the car and asked "Do you have any money? The machine won't take Mom's dollars."
I sent him back inside with four singles. Time passed. A lot of time.
At least ten minutes after entering, Bunny stormed out of the post office with murder in her eyes. When she climbed into the car, she told me all about the damn machine which will apparently only accept newly minted dollars that have been autographed with a blue Sharpie by the Secretary of the Treasury. Bunny had only one of those, which wasn't enough to buy the stamps she needed. Oh, and nearly everything was sold out. And the machine won't give back any money unless you buy something.
So Bunny bought something: a pack of fifty one cent stamps. You might think these next to useless until the next rate hike, but not so. We're using those bitches.
posted at 09/06/2007 08:28 am : Permalink
Categorized Photo foolishness : Tagged Bunny, Chicken, post office, stamp, vending machine
Yesterday was… uh… a day. There was cool stuff and crap stuff. I'll leave it to you to sort which is which.
-
The Chicken had his first day of 2nd grade. We were up out of bed early and off to the bus stop. Chicken was mostly excited about school, but I'm definitely not excited about getting up earlier again.
-
A little over an hour later I was leaning against the car and having a cigarette before work. An old woman asked me for directions and I was so lost in thought I could not remember my own address, either street name or house number. She went on her way before I had a chance to forget in which city I live.
-
About an hour after that I was at work when the hard drive in my workstation spun its last. Big pile of suck. There's nothing like a key piece of hardware breaking to stop you dead in your tracks. If only I knew someone who could fix it. Oh, wait… that's me. So, yeah. Spent most of the day getting my own workstation up and running again. The process will continue today.
-
Did you know we have a rental property? Yup, I am an evil scum-sucking slumlord. I would not suck so much scum, nor would I do it so evilly, if our tenants weren't so goddamn frustrating. However, after yesterday my frustration is not quite so intense. Some loan officer of some sort called me at work for a reference. Apparently our tenants are trying to get credit for something or other. The woman on the phone wanted to know about their payment history. It was wonderfully and maliciously fun to be able to truthfully tell her that my tenants are not current on their rent and haven't paid anything on time for years.
-
Lists are fun!
Yeah, so… little of this, little of that. I still haven't quite decided if yesterday was good, bad or "other."
posted at 09/05/2007 08:16 am : Permalink
Categorized At work, General : Tagged Chicken, computer repair, credit, school, tenant
I hate it when people abbreviate "chicken" as "chix." The chicken is a noble (and delicious) animal deserving of its proper name.
posted at 08/01/2007 03:26 pm : Permalink
Categorized Cuppa : Tagged Chicken
(In the pool at the health club)
The Chicken: Dad, let's play Simon Says!
Me: Eh. I don't want to play that.
Chicken: Please, Dad?
Me: Ok, ok… just a little while.
Chicken: You go first, tell me what to do!
Me: Simon says… hop on one foot.
(he hops)
Me: Simon says stop hopping.
(he stops)
Me: Simon says… pat your head.
(he pats)
Me: Simon says… rub your belly.
(he rubs, and goofs it up almost immediately)
Me: Ah, you lose!
Chicken: Dad, that one's too tough! Do something else!
Me: Alright, alright… Simon says… jump up and down.
(he jumps)
Me: Simon says… stick your hands up in the air.
(he puts up his arms)
Me: Simon says… stick up just your index fingers.
(he folds the other fingers down)
Me: Simon says… yell "I'm #1!"
Chicken: I'm #1!
Me: Simon says… yell "I pee my pants!"
(he stops dead)
Chicken: (whispering) Dad, I'm not going to say that. People will hear me!
posted at 07/31/2007 11:52 pm : Permalink
Categorized Snippets : Tagged Chicken, pee pants, Simon Says
The other day something happened that really struck a chord with me. I've been turning it over and over in my mind. I know there's something poetic hidden within, but I can't seem to pull it out. Fuck it. I'm sharing it anyway.
Monday night The Chicken and I went to the health club to go swimming. After we swim, Chicken knows I always sit in the whirlpool for a while. It frustrates him that I do this, but he mostly understands it's the price of admission. No whirlpool means a lot less swimming.
I sat in the churning water, leaning in the corner with my arms on the tile. Chicken was laying next to me with his head on my bicep. I continued to sit there until after the timer expired and the jets turned themselves off. The water slowly calmed. I sat there several more minutes, trying to slow my breathing and watching the water still.
There were two others in the room, aside from the disinterested lifeguard. There was a boy and a girl in the pool, both of them about 13 years old. The way they splashed and roughhoused was tentative. They seemed uncomfortable touching each other, but they awkwardly kept at it. They looked like they were just beginning to learn their own sexuality, and in that context it seemed obvious they were attracted to each other. I tried to imagine what they were thinking, how they were feeling. I imagine it a perfect balance of confusion and excitement. They were fumbling through something new, something wonderful and yet uncomfortably foreign.
I was struck by the contrast of all of us. They were laughing and blundering through their sweet turmoil. I was thirty feet away and was trying my best to achieve perfect stillness, trying to will the water to be as smooth as glass. It was a perfect moment.
I know there's a haiku hiding in there, but I'll be damned if I can find it.
posted at 07/27/2007 12:23 am : Permalink
Categorized Haiku and poetry : Tagged Chicken, health club, swimming
The Bunny: "The Chicken didn't want to do anything today that required movement, except maybe sucking ice cream drinks through a straw."
posted at 07/26/2007 03:07 pm : Permalink
Categorized Cuppa : Tagged Bunny, Chicken, weather
(Last night)
Me: Ok buddy, hop into bed.
The Chicken: Don't forget the closet light, Dad.
Me: I won't. Do you want this window open?
Chicken: No thanks.
Me: Are you sure? It's a little warm in here.
Chicken: Hm… ok, just a smidge.
(pause)
Chicken: Dad?
Me: Yeah?
Chicken: Do people ever climb in through open windows to steal from houses?
Me: Oh, sure! All the time!
Chicken: (hesitant) Really?
Me: Yeah, really.
(pause)
Me: But not second floor windows, you goof.
Chicken: Oh, ok.
Me: How would somebody get in your window? There's nothing to climb or stand on.
Chicken: They could use a ladder.
Me: True, they could. But we live on a busy street. Nobody's going to do something like that.
Chicken: No?
Me: Of course not. Why would a crook risk propping a giant ladder against the side of the house when it would be easier and less conspicuous to break a window downstairs?
Chicken: Oh, yeah. I guess that makes sense.
(pause)
Chicken: Dad?
Me: Yeah?
Chicken: Do you think someone's going to break a window downstairs to come in and rob us?
Why the hell did I not see that trap from a kilometer away? I may have given our son a long-term burglar phobia.
posted at 07/19/2007 07:40 am : Permalink
Categorized Snippets : Tagged Chicken, crime
The Chicken and I are going swimming. We haven't done that for a while.
posted at 07/17/2007 07:06 pm : Permalink
Categorized Cuppa : Tagged Chicken, swimming
The Chicken: Dad?
Me: Yeah?
Chicken: If you had a magic genie lamp with three wishes, what would you wish for?
Me: Easy. More wishes.
Chicken: I'd wish for a year's supply of moon rings.
Me: You know they're "mood" rings, right?
Chicken: Yeah, moon rings.
Me: Mood. Mood rings. Em oh oh dee. Mood rings.
Chicken: Yeah yeah, mood rings. I want a year's supply of mood rings.
Me: You know that's like, one ring, right?
Chicken: What?
Me: Mood rings aren't consumable items.
Chicken: What's that mean?
Me: A mood ring lasts pretty much forever. It doesn't expire or spoil. You don't use them up. A year's supply is one mood ring.
Chicken: No, Dad! I want 365 different moon rings so I can wear a new one every day.
Me: Mood rings.
Chicken: Moooood rings!
Me: heh. Ok! So that's really your first wish?
Chicken: I want lots of mood rings.
Me: I would have thought your first wish would be super powers.
Chicken: That's a good idea. I want super powers for my second wish.
Me: What about your third wish?
Chicken: More wishes.
Me: Good plan.
Chicken: You know what I'd want for my next wish?
Me: What's that?
Chicken: A swimming pool full of taffy.
posted at 07/17/2007 12:48 am : Permalink
Categorized Snippets : Tagged candy, Chicken, genie, mood ring, wish
