The Chicken is making out a Christmas wish list. Most of his wants are either Disney or from the "melancholy stoner's bedroom" collection.
Tag archives for Christmas
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Monday, January 1, 2007
So I'm not really dead
I'm just distracted. The past week has been… a little different.
The Chicken has been home for school for the holiday break, so he hasn't going to bed quite so early. Since I haven't had to get him to the bus stop, I've had extra time to sleep every morning, so I haven't been going to bed so early. Bunny has been home from work with a tweaked lower back. It's definitely out of the norm for us to have so much together time in the evening. It's been a lot like being on vacation, except I'm still going to work. So… not like a vacation at all, I guess.
Usually my blogging times are in the morning, after Chicken is on the bus and before I go to work, and in the evening after Bunny has gone to work. Neither happened all last week, so my blog has been very neglected. Whenever I've had time to blog, I've instead chosen to focus on my newest obsessions, Guitar Hero and Guitar Hero II.
These two games, along with two super cool video game chairs, are the Princess Sparkle Pony I'd been teasing Chicken about for a month or so before Christmas. Chicken definitely likes the games, but I'm the one who's really hooked on them. On Christmas day, I started out on the easy difficulty level. I've played so much in a single week that I'm almost ready to move up to the hard difficulty.
Aside from the fun of actually playing it, I'm having a blast just getting into the music. Before this, I'd listened to Incubus, but I'd never heard their song "Stellar." Now I can't get enough of it.
Before this, I'd never known the artist or title of that Pulp Fiction song that was raped so badly for that Black Eyed Peas thing. (Note to Fergie & Co.: your namesake legume is the black-eyed pea. Note the dash. Ignorant Philistines.) It turns out it's an adaptation of a Greek song named "Misirlou" and it's by Dick Dale and His Del-Tones. Hm. Nope. Didn't know that.
And before this, I'd heard of Buckethead (mostly because of his time with Guns 'N Roses), but never heard any of his music. His bonus track on the second game, "Jordan," is absolutely hypnotic. I tried to find an mp3 of this one because I imagine it's obscure enough that no one has heard it who hasn't played the game, but it turns out the version of the song I like was dramatically rewritten just for the game. If you're feeling adventurous, you can go LimeWire it or something. The first 90 seconds of the version I downloaded are very similar to the game, but everything else is completely different.
What's the deal with Buckethead, anyway? His public image is downright freaky. The Mike Meyers/Halloween mask? The KFC bucket?
I think it says a lot that the guy was too weird for Guns 'N Roses.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Cat's Christmas
Cat's Christmas-
a playground
in paper
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Christmas Eve
Christ's mass-
everyone faithful
for a day
Saturday, December 23, 2006
About the Christmas program
Cute, cute, cute. It was great fun watching The Chicken's Christmas program at his school. They were off key and out of synch and completely adorable. I have a few thoughts about the experience.
-
My shit-cookin' brother-in-law is a shifty mofo. He was at the school to watch his granddaughter. When he saw Bunny and me, he wandered over to say hi. He greeted me, and he shook my hand later when we left, but the rest of the time he completely ignored me. He came over to talk to Bunny only, and made absolutely no attempt to include me in his conversation, which in retrospect seems to consist almost completely of "disinformation" he hopes Bunny will repeat to his currently separated wife, Bunny's sister.
-
My digital camera kind of sucks. It seemed very nice when I spent $400 on it almost seven years ago, but these days it seems pretty substandard. For that same price I can now get two much nicer cameras and still have money left over for beer. In particular, I'd like something with a stronger zoom feature. We weren't that far away from the action, but the pictures make it seem we were on the dark side of the moon.
-
Faster "shutter speed" would also be very nice. Most of the pictures are a little blurry. The only picture that turned out really well is the one I took of the back of some woman's head.
-
It must kind of suck to be a music teacher. Very few jobs of any sort have such public performance evaluations like school concerts.
-
The school didn't call this event a "Christmas program." It was the "winter holiday program." I understand why they did this and I agree with it completely. This community is pretty monochromatic, but not all students and parents are Christian and not everyone celebrates Christmas. Some people (ahem) even get a little resentful at Christmas being shoved in their faces every year.
The music selections were pleasantly multi-cultural. There were a few Christmas songs, a Chanukah song, a "traditional Hebrew folk song," a Japanese new year song, and other vaguely holiday-themed tunes. But there's one song that really pissed me off. When the 3rd graders sang the English folk song "Christmas is coming," they only sang half the words. The way I remember it from my LP "John Denver and The Muppets: A Christmas Together," the words are:
Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat
please to put a penny in the old man's hat
if you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do
if you haven't got a ha'penny then God bless you.Looking it up on Wikipedia, I see there's another line I didn't know about.
The "sanitized" school version included only the first two lines. How fucking dumb is that? I understand someone saw a need to cut out the bit about God, but then why use this song? There are plenty of songs that don't mention God. Why not use one of them rather than chop up one that does? A lot of you know that I'm not Christian, or even religious at all, but I resent excising such bland lyrics when it's so easy to simply choose a different song.
I've called John Denver and Miss Piggy and they both agree with me on this.
(I meant to write this Thursday night, or maybe Friday morning. But I'm a little flighty about writing posts lately. I sit down to write something and then I think "Hey, look! There's code I can tweak!" and I don't get back to writing for days. Is there such a thing as blog ADD? If there isn't, there should be. I could start getting disability checks or something.)
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Story time
[Last night]
The Chicken: Ooh, Dad! Turn back a page!
Me: No, buddy, it's late enough. We need to finish this quickly so you can get to sleep.
Chicken: Dad, I saw Santa's reindeer!
Me: No you didn't.
Chicken: Yes I did! Turn back and I'll show you.
Me: Those weren't reindeer.
Chicken: Yeah, then what were they?
Me: Raccoons.
Chicken: There aren't any raccoons in Christmas stories!
Me: Sure there are.
Chicken: Nuh-uh!
Me: Haven't you ever heard the legend of the magical Christmas raccoons?
Chicken: … … … for real?
Me: heh.
Chicken: Dad! Quit teasing me!
Friday, December 1, 2006
I'm so excited!
No, really, I am. Feel my nipples. See?
HBO is going to turn Vertigo comics' "Preacher" into a series.
"Preacher," which ran from 1995-2000, told the story of a down-and-out Texas preacher possessed by Genesis, a supernatural entity conceived by the unnatural coupling of an angel and a demon. Given immense powers, the preacher teamed with an old girlfriend and a hard-drinking Irish vampire and set out on a journey across America to find God — who apparently had abandoned his duties in heaven — and hold him accountable for his negligence.
Preacher was a cool, quirky and often challenging series. I'm really looking forward to what HBO might do with this. But there's one big problem. There's a fair chance I'll never get to see it. I don't get HBO so I won't be able to watch the shows when they're airing, and I'm not so sure I'll be willing to spend $6.32 per episode when the series comes out on DVD.
I've been having a blast the past week or so teasing The Chicken about Christmas presents. Any time he mentions the impending holiday, I tell him he's getting a Princess Sparkle Pony. He almost believes me. I'm having tons of fun watching him sputter "But Dad!"
Tuesday, January 3, 2006
Untitled haiku
After New Year's Day
the Christmas decorations
boxed in the corner
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Scenes from a holiday weekend
Friday
Teenage goth kid #1: Is my ass digging into your hip?
Me: Yeah, but it's all good.
***
Me: All you're missing now is someone to pee on you.
The Bard: haha! Yeah, that's just what I need!
Me: So can I?
The Bard: Umm…
***
Me: Nice boots. KISS, Destroyer, 1978?
Teenage goth kid #1: Uh, no. Cradle of Filth, 2004.
Me: I really showed my age there didn't I?
Teenage goth kid #1: KISS?
***
The Bard: Hey! No fucking in the champagne room!
***
The Bard: Dude, what the hell were you two doing back there?
Teenage goth kid #2: Looking at cock rings on the internet.
The Bard: What the fuck?
Teenage goth kid #2: I can't take her to the sex shops with me.
Teenage goth kid #1: She's not 18 yet?
Teenage goth kid #2: Not until May.
Me: I really can't relate to this at all.
The Bard: How old are you anyway?
***
Sister: I feel so old.
Me: Shut up.
***
Hector: My crabs are huge! They're like lobsters!
(pause)
Hector: Wanna see?
***
Sister: Why is it I can never leave without you telling me something new about Pakistan?
Me: This will be a lot less painful if you don't struggle.
Saturday
Me: I should have bought a copy of Serenity while I was shopping today. Now I'm going to have to wait until Monday to see it.
The Bunny: I thought you said your mom was getting it for you.
Me: heh. Yeah. Wait.
***
Mom: If not for you, I wouldn't even get swiss cheese. And then I'd have to listen to the other two whine.
Sister: I'm not cool enough for my own cheese.
***
Sister: Wow! Look at all these goodies! I'm so loved.
Me: But you're still not cool enough for your own cheese.
***
Mom: Demon child #1, will you go in my bedroom and get Uncle RNB a roll of toilet paper? (giving directions) No, not that pile of stuff, the other pile. No the other pile. Third pile of stuff from the end.
***
Bunny: So what DVD did your mom give you?
Me: Cry_wolf.
Bunny: I didn't believe you. You should have bought Serenity today.
Sunday
The Chicken: Dad, are you done putting it together yet?
Me: No, not yet.
(three minutes pass)
Chicken: Dad, are you done putting it together yet?
Me: No, not yet.
(three minutes pass)
Chicken: Dad, are you done putting it together yet?
Me: No, not yet.
(three minutes pass)
Chicken: Dad, are you done putting it together yet?
Me: Yes! Here you go.
(three minutes pass)
Chicken: Dad, it broke, can you put it back together again?
***
Me: Do you want to watch a movie while Mommy naps?
Chicken: Yeah!
Me: Which one?
Chicken: Godzilla!
(I reach for Godzilla.)
Chicken: No, I mean Herbie!
(I reach for Herbie.)
Chicken: No, I mean Ed, Edd n Eddy!
(I reach for Ed, Edd n Eddy.)
Chicken: No, I mean Inspector Gadget Christmas!
Me: Ed, Edd n Eddy it is.
Monday
Chicken: Dad, will you make me waffles?
Me: Hell no!
Chicken: But Dad! Mom always makes me waffles!
Me: I'm not Mom.
(pause)
Me: Get dressed, let's go out for waffles.
***
Me: Ok, what do you want for breakfast?
Chicken: Waffles, eggs, bacon, sausage and toast.
Me: You're not going to get all of that.
Chicken: Ok, how about… waffles, eggs, bacon… sausage… and toast?
Me: Chicken, they don't offer eggs or waffles as a side item. And I'm not buying you two breakfasts. You have to choose eggs or waffles. So which do you want? Eggs or waffles?
Chicken: Eggs and waffles.
Me: You're not following. You can't get both eggs and waffles. You have to pick one or the other.
Chicken: Eggs and waffles.
Me: You might not survive the morning.
***
Waitress: Here you are. Enjoy your breakfast, fellas.
Chicken: Dad, she brought the eggs, but she forgot my waffles.
Me: You didn't order waffles, remember?
Chicken: Oh. Yeah. I want waffles.
***
Amy (lovely young woman at Sam Goody): On your Visa card today?
Visa card: No, no! I'm already bleeding! I can't take anymore of this! Help me, help me!
***
Chicken: Dad, can we go to the video store and rent PlayStation games?
Me: Sure. I was planning on that.
Chicken: Can we go now?
Me: No, first we're going to get haircuts.
Chicken: What?!?
***
RNB: I was never comfortable in that neighborhood. Lotta spics down there.
(silence)
***
Bartender: What can I get you?
Me: Bud Light, please.
Bartender: And for you?
RNB: Budweiser.
Me: You should really ask this young man for his ID.
(RNB hands it over.)
Bartender: Wow! Happy birthday! You want a birthday shot?
(silence)
Me: Yes, he'd love a birthday shot!
Bartender: What are you drinking?
(silence)
Me: We'll have Cuervo. And a salt shaker please.
RNB: Ugh.
***
Drunken Buffoon: Are you Filipino?
Bartender: I'm half Filipino.
Drunken Buffoon: So you're Filipino.
Bartender: No… I'm half Filipino.
Drunken Buffoon: So you're Filipino.
Bartender: Get you another beer?
***
RNB: Girls around here don't seem to be into rednecks.
Me: You sure they're just not into you?
RNB: Uh, thanks.
Me: I'm not picking on you. I'm just saying you're getting a reputation.
RNB: True. Yeah, maybe that's it.
***
RNB: Next weekend I'm bringing Jesse up here to move in with me.
Me: You're moving your girlfriend into Mom's house.
RNB: Yeah.
Me: I'm still amazed that Mom is ok with this.
RNB: Yeah, me too.
Me: Pat [our stepdad] know about this yet?
RNB: Sort of. He thinks she's just visiting during the semester break.
Me: Technically true, I suppose. But he has no idea she's staying?
RNB: Mom says we've got to have our own place by February 1st.
Me: You gonna make that?
RNB: I hope so.
Me: How much money do you have saved?
RNB: Uh, none.
Me: February 1st, huh?
***
Drunken Buffoon: Respect.
Bartender: What?
Drunken Buffoon: Respect.
Bartender: Ok.
Drunken Buffoon: That's the most important thing in life. Respect.
Bartender: Ok, sure.
Drunken Buffoon: You get one chance at that.
Bartender: Ok.
Drunken Buffoon: One chance.
(silence)
Drunken Buffoon: And now I see what you did with your one chance.
Bartender: Excuse me? I don't follow.
Drunken Buffoon: One chance.
(Drunken Buffoon stumbles out.)
Bartender: What was that all about?
Guy at end of bar: Ah, don't worry. He's always like that.
***
Bartender: More beers?
Me: Yes, please. It's all about respect you know.
Bartender: Don't you start.
Me: One chance. That's all you get. Just one chance to pour that beer respectfully.
Bartender (laughing): Shut up!
***
RNB: Thanks for the present. Thanks for dinner. Thanks for the beers.
Me: No problem. Happy Birthday.
RNB (smiling): Thanks.
***
Chicken: Dad, I don't have school tomorrow. Why can't I stay up late?
Me: You already have stayed up late. It's an hour past your bedtime. Now it's time for bed.
Chicken: But why can't I stay up late… er? Later.
***
Me (thinking): I'll be glad when this weekend is over and I can get back to my routine.
Tuesday
Me (thinking): "Back to my routine?" What the fuck was I thinking? Was I drunk?
(pause)
Me (thinking): Yeah, I was a little drunk.