Tag archives for Chuck Klosterman

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Fucking Michael Douglas

I'm still reading that Klosterman book, Fargo Rock City, so I'm on something of an 80s hard rock kick lately. I've had this craving for Guns 'N Roses so I thought now would be a good time to grab my Appetite for Destruction CD and encode a copy to stick on my PDA.

<groan /> It's always a pain in the ass to dig through all my CDs to find anything. I steeled myself for the annoyance and sat in front the bottom drawer of the CD racks with a mental picture of what the side of the CD case looks like (black background, red and yellow text).

Amazingly, I found it in seconds. Yay me! So I took it over to my computer to make some mp3s, only to find the case empty.

Dammit. I'm pretty sure Michael Douglas stole my Guns 'N Roses CD.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

10 reasons I'm no longer a young man

In no particular order, ten signs I'm well on my way to middle age:

  1. I still want to change the world, but I long ago stopped fooling myself that I could.

  2. Seeing scantily-clad women now has a completely different effect on me. Although I'm still aroused, the dominant thought has become "Doesn't she respect herself?"

  3. I'm nostalgic for the way girls wore their jeans in 1988.

  4. I still read Playboy, only now I really do read the articles.

  5. I frequently find myself wondering, "What are their parents thinking?"

  6. When I see student drivers, I'm constantly amazed that they're old enough to be behind the wheel.

  7. I'm currently reading Chuck Klosterman's Fargo Rock City, his memoirs on growing up in the heavy metal 80s. Not only do I own every album he's mentioned so far, but I can really relate to his reasoning behind ideas like "Poison is the penultimate 80s band."

  8. I still think "A film by John Hughes" is the mark of quality entertainment.

  9. The security cameras at gas stations always seem positioned to perfectly capture snap shots of my thinning hair.

  10. I can remember a time when I actually owned a leisure suit.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Self-improvement is masturbation. Now self-destruction…

So it's 1:30 in the morning and I'm lying (laying?) in bed. I'm rereading Chuck Klosterman's "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" and I've just finished chapter six, "Ten Seconds To Love." This is the chapter about the cultural significance of Pamela Anderson.

The chapter includes a few lengthy comparisons to Marilyn Monroe, some loose talk about Madonna, Mariah Carey, and Jenny McCarthy, and (of course) a lot of talk about the Pam and Tommy sex tape.

After reading so much about shapely figures and celebrity blowjobs, I felt a need to masturbate. Not a desire, mind you, a need. I don't even like Pamela Anderson. At all. Not even a little. And yet after reading a very unsexy exposition of her going down on Tommy Lee, I felt that a little self love was required.

So I finished reading the chapter and, for good measure, the half page interlude that followed, and I set to work. I found I was only able to get where I was going if I made a conscious effort to not think about Pamela Anderson. I've reached a few conclusions about this.

Conclusion #1: Pamela Anderson is nasty.
Conclusion #2: I really need better masturbatory fantasies.
Conclusion #3: I'm kind of weird.

Friday, November 11, 2005

Add it to your wishlist

Have you read Chuck Klosterman's Killing Yourself To Live? That's what I'm reading right now and I absolutely love it. I want to buy dozens of copies of this book and pass them out to all my friends.

I've got an eBook version, so I'm reading it on my pda. One of the coolest things about Klosterman (I've also read Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs) is that his work is very modular. You can read in small chunks and not miss out on anything.

I was just sneaking in a few quick pages at work when my pda cheerily informed me "Battery EXTREMELY low." With capital letters even.

Dammit battery! I know you're an inanimate object, but don't you understand that Uma Thurman is drunk on the roof with Nemesis and Non-Drinking Guy is furious about it?

Wednesday, November 9, 2005

Thunder only happens when it's raining

Chuck Klosterman has been trying very hard to convince me of the brilliance of Fleetwood Mac's 1977 album Rumours.

I mentioned this to The Bunny and she said, "Ooh, I love that album. I've got that on CD if you want to listen to it."

So I made some mp3s and I've been listening to it on my portable lately.

It's not bad, but I don't yet know if I completely agree with Girlfriend and Klosterman.