Hey, guess what? I'm we-todd-it!

Last night I fell asleep on the couch watching Garden State. I first woke up this morning at probably seven something when The Bunny and The Chicken came downstairs. I say "probably" because I don't really remember, but I suspect I grunted and rolled over.

Some time later, I was alert enough for Bunny to point out that she and Chicken normally spend a Saturday morning cuddled up on the couch watching cartoony type stuff. The implication of this being that me sprawled out on the couch was busting up their groove. I grunted and rolled on to the floor.

I'm not sure how long I stayed on the floor in front of the couch, but I don't think it was very long. I was soon up on my feet and heading for the recliner, where I quickly dozed off again.

At some point, The Bunny asked if I was awake enough for a latte. I'm always awake enough for a latte! Or so I thought. Bunny brought me a steamy hot cup of morning sunshine, which I rested against my bare chest while I let it cool and continued reclining.

I nodded off again, spilling steamy hot morning sunshine on my chin, neck, chest, and groin.

Holy fuckbuckets. I jumped up out of that chair like I was on fire, which I kind of was. I'm a little scalded, but not so bad that you could call it burned. The redness has faded but my skin is still a little tingly.

Lots of people use coffee to get themselves moving in the morning, but I'm taking it to the next level.

Bunny is a latte junkie. You knew this, right? Her blog is named Latte Dah. There's a cuppa right in the header. The latte monkey on her back isn't really a monkey at all. It's more like an 600lb gorilla. The big, mean, silverback type. Not like there's anything wrong with that. Coffee is one of the more socially acceptable addictions. And the latte variety of this addiction often comes with cute little shops that have snowman knickknacks and world music CDs.

Bunny used to spend a gamillion dollars a month on froo-froo coffees at a local shop. We don't really have any extra gamillions in our budget, so something had to change. Bunny bought a home latte maker and has become quite skilled at using it. Now her twice daily jones can be satisfied with a much more economical trip to the kitchen. As an added bonus, I get a latte now and then too.

Except "now and then" became more and more frequent. Almost daily, Bunny would happily make me a latte after she arrived home from work and while we were catching up on the night's events. Is nice. I like. Now my own monkey has grown from one of those cute little helper monkeys to something more the size of… oh, say… an orangutan.

And now she's taken the lattes away.

See, Bunny works nights. She starts at 9pm and finishes up around 5:30am. She also used to have a second job. These two jobs together would have her arriving back home around 8am, which is a perfect latte time for me. Now she's getting home before The Chicken and I are up, so she's climbing straight into bed.

What the hell kind of pusher gets you hooked and turns off the supply? She's trying to kill me, I'm sure of it.

I've added a subtle gradient background to the top of the page. Your thoughts?

I was planning on writing this post Thursday, but never got to it. I also didn't make the time on Friday or Saturday. I'm not much of a "joiner," and I've never participated in FOADT. But this is a rant, and I was going to post it on Thursday, so call it a FOADT if you like. (Also, I needed a title for this post.)

I'm constantly irritated with the tiny percentage of people who are a) really moronic, b) really unlucky, c) really whiny, d) complete assholes or e) any combination of the others, who then end up ruining a good thing for everyone else. A fine example of this would be people who sue McDonald's for serving them hot coffee because they claim to have not known coffee is traditionally served quite hot and hot liquids on one's skin can be quite unpleasant.

I'm annoyed at society's tendency to cater to those among us who react to misfortune by attempting to ensure no one else ever experiences the same misfortune, no matter how unlikely or even well-deserved that misfortune might be. In particular, I'm annoyed with the power windows on our car.

Our car, the '99 Dodge of Stratus, has this wonderful little feature where if I hold down the button for the driver's power window, the window will lower until I release it. If I depress the button further, the window will lower completely and automatically. I like to think of this as the "drive thru feature." A simple double press frees my left hand for fumbling with my wallet, handling letters for the mailbox, mixing cake batter or whatever the hell else I want to do. It's a wonderful convenience. When I first discovered this feature I thought to myself, "Now why haven't power windows always behaved like that?"

However… the feature only works one way. A double press down lowers the window completely, but a double press up does nothing. Even if I say please while double pressing, the window will stop closing when I release the button. I briefly considered calling the dealer, because surely our button must be broken. Then I realized this is almost certainly by design.

If a driver could raise the window automatically, some asshead would get their arm stuck in it someday. I imagine some boner would think himself clever and attempt to avoid foul weather by starting the window closing before returning the bank's canister to the vacuum tube or some such nonsense. And then you've got an idiot with his arm stuck out the window, leaving him unable to keep his McDonald's coffee from spilling all over his crotch.

And I really liked playing Jarts. Stupid, unlucky assholes took that away too.