Being the part in which you are sorely disappointed, and also in which I am still not banging her.

So Fat Indian Bitch ambushed me on the way to the shower, and I told her I had a date that night. She said nothing, but was obviously furious at this development. Prior to this incident, I was unaware that people with ethnically very dark skin could flush. FIB disproved that myth quite handily. Within seconds her face was crimson with anger.

Choosing not to tease a tiger, I simply continued on to the bathroom. Our bathroom door did not have a lock, which made this particular shower the most nervous of my life. I kept expecting her to storm in with a knife. Or (eww) sneak in to spy on me. My mind was racing so fast that in spite of my attempts to simultaneously wash and maintain a ninja level of hyper awareness, I was still able to formulate a plan.

I was originally intending to leave the house around 7 p.m., but the new plan required me to dash out as soon as possible. As soon as I was out of the shower, I dried off and hurriedly dressed. I was out the door about a half an hour early.

I pulled out of the driveway and turned into the road at the same speed that I normally would have. But as soon as I was a bit away from the house, I floored it. About a kilometer from our house, I turned off on to a side road. I pulled onto the shoulder after a few hundred yards. I shut off the lights and the engine and I waited.

I didn't have to wait very long. About two minutes after I stopped, FIB went speeding by on the main road behind me. I waited another minute to be sure, then I restarted the car and drove back in the direction of the house. Where we lived, there were two simple ways to get back into the city: the quick way and the slow way. This was winter, remember, and the slow way is a twisting country road. FIB naturally assumed that I'd be taking the faster, safer route. Of course FIB didn't know that I left the house much earlier than I was planning.

I had almost forty minutes to get where I was going, so I took the backroad at a nice leisurely pace. I arrived at the restaurant almost ten minutes early. This particular restaurant is a Chinese place. It's a good place for a first date. The place is nice, but not overly so. The food is good, but not expensive. It's a cozy little place, and it has probably the best waitstaff in the city. And as an unexpected bonus, the place has a second parking lot behind the building.

My date arrived about two minutes after I did, although she used the front entrance. We didn't request a particular table, and I didn't choose a particular seat at that table, but through sheer dumb luck my seat was in the middle of the restaurant and looked out the picture window onto the street.

Dinner went well. I'd already known the lady in question for several months, so there was very little of that first date awkwardness. Well, at least not between my date and me. You can always count on FIB for a little awkwardness. Three times I saw a car that could have been FIB's pass by. Of course it could have been someone else, or even three different people, but I'm convinced that all three sightings were of her.

I explained to my date that FIB was almost certainly looking for me. She simply laughed and leaned in closer to hear all the good parts. Through our mutual friends, she already knew the broad strokes of the story, and she was delighted to hear all the details she'd missed. I was naturally quite relieved that she didn't run screaming at the thought of an obsessed, morbidly obese teenage girl running us down in the street. I was amazed at how cool she was about the whole thing.

We moved on to the next part of our date, a movie. We went downtown to an old theater where I was able to park my car at the end of an alley a block away. At this point I was pretty confident that FIB would not be bothering us at all.

We got our tickets and I bought the popcorn and we sat near the back of an almost empty auditorium. About halfway through the movie she leaned over to rest her head on my shoulder. I put my hand on her knee. It was nice. We were cozy without being too suggestive.

After the movie, I suggested we stop off somewhere for a drink. I guess she didn't want the evening to end any more than I did because she quickly agreed. We spent a few minutes trying to think of a bar where I could park unnoticed. She suggested that I park behind her house, which was only a few blocks away, and then we could take her car anywhere we pleased.

When we got to her house, she pulled in right behind me. Unexpectedly, she turned her engine off and got out of the car. She said, "Do you want to have a drink here before we go out?"

Heh, heh.

I returned home about 10:30 the next morning. FIB's car was in the driveway. I was a bit surprised to find Lazy Roomie puttering around in the kitchen.

"You're up early," I said. And for this guy, 10:30 was much earlier than usual, especially for a Saturday.

"Dude, I haven't been to sleep yet." Ah. That made a lot more sense than LR actually getting up before noon. "What'd you do last night?"

"I had a date."

"Oh. That explains a lot."

"What do you mean?"

"FIB came home at about 6 this morning. She was majorly pissed. She hasn't said a word to anyone." LR cracked his typical shithead grin after that bit.

I glanced into the living room where the girls slept. FIB was snoring on the couch. Lazy-Eyed Nottie lifted up from her spot on the floor to look at me. She stared for a second or two and then shrugged her shoulders. She rolled over and went back to sleep.

That look and that shrug seemed to say it all: "what can you do?" I didn't really have an answer for that. But I think at that moment she had a pretty good idea. I wasn't feeling particularly rested, so I closed myself into my bedroom to nap for a few hours. Sleep didn't come as easily as I'd hoped. I couldn't help but fear that my home life had suddenly become much worse.