Goat almost has me convinced Hostel was based on an episode of Gilligan's Island. He makes a pretty compelling argument.
Tag archives for Goat
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Quote of the day
Quote of the day, from Goat: "It has an excessively long unit."
Monday, July 23, 2007
Pesky vermin
The office mouse got into Goat's bag of potato chips over the weekend. Shit's on now.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Snicker
Goat just said "squirt, squirt, squirt." heh.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Ball flogger
Goat left work early today to go "flog his balls." He insists this is a euphemism for golfing.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
A murder most foul
[This happened Monday. Shut up, I've been busy.]
Goat is a cold-blooded killer. Cold. Blooded. He killed the office mouse.
I was in the back room working with one of our test machines when I caught a flash of movement out of the corner of my eye. It was the mouse scampering across the carpet. I use "scampering" loosely because he was actually pretty sluggish, but scampering seems like the kind of thing a mouse would do.
I was pretty surprised by this. How often do you eyeball the mouse in the house? Those things find the most obscure corners in which to hide, and generally stay there until you've gone away. I wonder what could have brought Mousy out right in front of me in the middle of the day?
I called Goat over so he could share in the oddity. "Bold little sucker, innit?" I said.
"Not anymore." [squish]
Goat squished Mousy under the toe of his shoe. Perhaps he's an old hand at mouse stomping because he seemed to know exactly how much pressure to use to crush the mouse without leaving mouse guts all over the place. Goat then scooped up Mousy's still-twitching body and threw him/her out into the snow.
Sniff, sniff.
Now we're going to need a new office mascot.
Thursday, June 1, 2006
More about that fire thing
(There are sirens in the neighborhood, several of them pass my office.)
Goat: Lotta sirens today.
Me: Yeah, seems like more than usual.
Goat: Maybe somebody knocked over a light pole nearby.
(The phone rings.)
Goat: Fish, it's your seester.
Me: (On phone) Yo.
Sister: How you doin'?
Me: Yo.
Sister: So do you have a good view of the fire there?
Me: What?
Sister: Turn around and look out your window.
Me: Holy shit! That red house is on fire!
Sister: Dumbass.
Me: Ok, I'm going to go. You're way more boring that this action.
Sister: Ok!
So, yeah. Big ass fire in the red house across the street. No one was injured (not even the family dog), but the house is a total loss. The flames were ten feet higher than the roof by the time the fire department started throwing water at it.
At its simplest, this is not especially exciting. There was a fire. The fire department put it out. Woo hoo. But, oh, the spectacle!
All the streets around my office were closed for almost five hours, which made for a pretty light day. And everyone in the neighborhood stopped to gawk for a while, so the people watching was excellent. Sighted were Unfriendly Black Hottie from the chiropractor's down the street, The Captain (a late middle age guy who always dresses like Gilligan's gay uncle - complete with a Skipper-style hat), Naked Guy (who, weather permitting, wears only cheap flip-flops and raggedy short-short cut off jeans), and the String Bean Mechanic (who looks like a complete dirt bag, but is always so friendly). There were plenty of other gawkers, maybe as many as 300 different people over the course of the day, but none of them are interesting enough to merit a clever nickname.
I happened to be listening to some music on my PDA when all of this was happening. Evil, insensitive bastard that I am, I tried to choose music appropriate to the situation. What kind of music is goes with a neighbor's house fire? I didn't have anything like Bloodhound Gang's "The Roof Is On Fire" or Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire." The best I could do is Guns 'N Roses. "Welcome to the Jungle" kind of works. At least it's a lot more fitting than the new Dixie Chicks CD.
My favorite part of the whole experience is that this has been an entire day where not one person has stared at me when I've stood outside smoking. And all my temporary invisibility required was for one family to lose everything.
Monday, May 22, 2006
That shithead
Goat (reading from a contract): …whereas the contractor wishes to enter an arrangement with MSI for purposes specified herewith…
Bird: Stop, you're making my head hurt.
(pause)
Bird: Like The Fish does.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
The downside to spring's rebirth
Goat: Damn grass. I'm going to have to mow the lawn soon.
Me: We should get goats.
Goat: heh.
Me: A herd of goats to eat all the grass.
(pause)
Me: And then I guess we'll also need something that eats goat shit.
Friday, March 3, 2006
A snippet
The Bunny: Have you thought about groomsmen?
Me: Yeah. I was thinking maybe Beethoven, Lazy Roomie and either Country Boy or Goat.
Bunny: Goat's so cool.
Me: We'd get to see him in a tux.
Bunny: Oh my God, he'd be hot!
Me: haha!
Bunny: Umm… I mean… yes… that would be interesting… you know… to see him… in something… other than jeans?