[Ed. note: republished with permission.]
 

Dublin. Marathon. Can't find Lulu. No boobage. Here with a leprechaun.

Interview Guy: Mr. Leprechaun, thanks.

Leprechaun: Me name's Richie.

IG: Richie the leprechaun?

RTL: Aye, Richie.

IG: Whatever.

RTL: Wha' kin I do fer ye, laddie?

IG: I'm here in Dublin to interview Lulu but I screwed everything up. I am so close to getting fired. Can you help me?

RTL: I dinno Lulu.

IG: Don't you have leprechaun magic or something?

RTL: Maybe so. What d'ye want?

IG: My editor really wants a boobage photo.

RTL: Well why dinna ye jes' say as much? I'll nah be needin' magic fer tha'.

IG: That is wrong on so many levels. I feel sick.

RTL: Will ye be wantin' to touch me lucky charms then?

IG: Oh fuck this! That's it. I'm done. I quit. I fucking quit! I can't take this shit anymore!

RTL: Dick.

Colin Farrell: Hey, can I see that again?

Lulu: Did I miss anything?