Tag archives for Meow

Sunday, October 2, 2005

No, no, no… this is how you talk about a party

Yesterday, Sister posted about a little impromptu mini-party at her place. In attendance were Sister and me, Meow, and the blogless Annie and Squidward. Also present were Keeks' breasts. Not the rest of her, mind you, just her breasts.

The following things may have happened:

  • Annie may have made several unsuccessful booty calls to her boyfriend

  • I may have explained some of the more disgusting circumstances of The Kid's birth

  • Approximately one-third of all available hamburgers may have been murdered rather than cooked

  • Tequila may have been drunk straight from the bottle

  • Meow may have taken off her sweater and stuck her hand down the front of her skirt

  • I may have been wearing an autographed pink cowboy hat

  • Squidward may have been wearing a fuzzy pink bucket hat

  • Keeks' breasts may have crawled into my shirt and assaulted Squidward

  • Keeks' breasts may have an official sound effect: Ka-pow!

  • I may have whipped Squidward with a fluffy pink riding crop

  • Sister, Annie, and Meow may have whipped each other repeatedly with that riding crop

  • Meow may have enjoyed being whipped far more than is healthy

  • An entire pan of really thin brownies may have been consumed

  • Sister and Squidward may have gone to the store for gummi bears

  • Squidward may have received a call from someone caller-id'd as "Cute Stephen"

  • Several bottles of Boone's Farm may have been rapidly drained

  • Other bottles of liquor may have been passed around to drink straight from the neck of the bottle

  • I may have adopted Squidward as my honorary little brother

  • Meow may have had sex with two stuffed animals

  • Other people may have later cuddled those stuffed animals in inappropriate ways

  • Those stuffed animals may have been named after Friends characters

  • Several people may have been handcuffed to bottles of liquor

  • Squidward and I may have discussed, at unusual length, the finer points of George Romero's zombie movies

  • Squidward may have worn a fuzzy pink Hello Kitty blanket as a cloak

  • If real life were Dungeons & Dragons, that cloak might have been called "Cloak of Unmanliness, +5"

  • I may have been just drunk enough to give relationship advice that was a little too honest

  • I may have worn a bridal veil

  • I may have been forced to fight off Meow in her attempts to apply lipstick that matched the bridal veil

  • There may exist photographic evidence of all of these events

Sticking to the party judging criteria I outlined in Vacanigans part 9, this party was not as good as it could have been because no one got naked. But again, little sister's party… nudity bad. And besides, God only knows what the hell those degenerates did after I left.

And Sister, I mean "degenerate" in the most affectionate way possible. We're doing that again next week, right?

posted at 10/02/2005 05:54 pm : Permalink
Categorized Ancient history, General : Tagged , , , ,

Monday, September 26, 2005

Vacanigans*, part 9

*Subtitle: Wow, it only took me a month to finish talking about a week-long vacation!

The last day of my vacation was really anti-climactic, so I'm going to get that out of the way first. On Sunday, we did even more nothing. Maybe even less than nothing. We all slept late and spent the entire day in our pajamas. We watched some DVDs, snacked instead of eating actual meals, and spent hours playing video games. Mostly Disney's Extreme Skate Adventure and Tak 2: Staff of Dreams for GameCube. And that's really about it. Like I said, we just might have done less than nothing. This was the end of the vacation. The next day was back to work. Blech.

The real adventure of the weekend was Sister and Annie's housewarming party on Saturday. Late in the afternoon we loaded up the car with our beverages (mostly beer), the food (a tray of brownies and Girlfriend's superb taco dip), and our gifts for the girls.

We brought two gifts. Unfortunately, neither of them was a giant can of nacho cheese sauce. The "real" gift was something girly. Candles and lotions or some crap like that. I was just as surprised as the girls were. I forgot what it was immediately after they opened it.

The other gift was a giant box of liquor. Girlfriend and I cleaned out our cupboard and decided to give them the vast quantity of half-drunk booze bottles we'd accumulated over the years. Schnapps, gin, vodka, whiskey… we had a bottle of just about everything. And we were never going to use it. All we kept was my Jack Daniels and my Cuervo. I'll drink those. Everything else was just sitting around getting dusty. Anyway, our gift of inebriation was very well received. There were "oohs" and "ahhs," a few "holy shits," and I suspect a few erect nipples as well.

Not long after arriving, Sister casually slipped in something about The Grade School Teacher and her husband coming to the party. She always does that to me and, foolishly, I never see it coming. Grade School Teacher is one of my least favorite people. It never occurs to me that she'll be at any particular gathering, and Sister always "forgets" to mention it until after I'm already there.

As with most parties, there wasn't really any structured series of events. Nearly the entire party was everyone sitting around, slowly getting drunk, and laughing at each other. All total, there were fifteen or twenty people there. Among the guests were a few blogstars, including Sister of course, Giggs and husband, the inestimable Keeks, and even Meow. Meow is a third-shifter right now, so she looked a bit startled at having been dragged out into the light.

Highlights of the party, in no particular order, included:

  • Sister's friend "S" making an ass out of himself by attempting to describe how racially-oriented humor is only funny when it's offensive and genuinely racist

  • Giggs dog clawing up her brand new tent. Serves her right for owning a dirty, dirty dog.

  • Keeks arriving with a unique alcoholic treat - liquor soaked gummy bears. Leave it to Keeks to come up with something intoxicating that needs to be sucked to be appreciated.

  • The "little boy" who was hitting on Keeks. And doing so rather badly.

  • When Keeks' cellphone rang, I may have answered. I may have told the gentleman caller on the line that she couldn't talk at the moment because her mouth was full.

  • On a possibly related note, somebody or other placed Keeks in charge of pleasuring me. It wrote this down to make sure I wouldn't forget, but I forgot to write down any context. So feel free to make that as dirty as you want.

  • Somebody or other, probably Keeks, was appointed Official Whipped Cream Girl. (She wasn't the only one at this party, honest.)

  • The two strangers who walked in the front door and into the bathroom without saying a word.

  • Me twice sneaking over to the corner of the living room to remove all the country songs from Sister's iTunes playlist.

  • The bathroom door stays closed nicely on its own, but there is no latch. So every time I walked by, I opened the door and left it open. I was very entertained by this. Several other people were not so entertained.

There are probably many other entertaining things that happened, but that was a month ago, and I don't remember anything else. We ate, we drank, we laughed. We all had a great time, but I've been to better parties. After all, no one ended up naked. But then, this was my little sister's party, so it's not like I would've wanted that anyway.

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posted at 09/26/2005 01:16 am : Permalink
Categorized Ancient history, Vacanigans : Tagged , , , , , , ,