Yesterday I added British newspaper The Guardian as an AvantGo channel. This morning I'm reading it for the first time and there's a link that catches my eye: "News Quiz." I think to myself, "that could be fun. I'll see how up I am on UK happenings."

So I'm taking the quiz and feeling pretty good about myself. I know the Queen has a cold, and I know that Mel B is getting all diva and preventing a Spice Girls reunion [shudder]. And then I get to question number seven.

7. Which British album was named best of the last 20 years in US magazine Spin?

Bastards.

I would have assumed that The Guardian was just taunting me, but given yesterday's events I can see that this quiz is a declaration of allegiance. The enemy is building an army to match ours. The battle lines are being drawn as we speak. We must remain steadfast.

The editors at Spin Magazine are trying to destroy me. Wait, I might be getting ahead of myself.

Two months ago, I blathered mindlessly about Radiohead's CD "OK Computer." I exposed my lack of coolness by confessing that I just do not "get" that CD. (You should go read that post, and the comments. It's pretty good.)

I also theorized that maybe all the cool people are just plain lying. I consider it a distinct possibility that everyone thinks this album blows and I'm the only one sufficiently outside the circle of cool to dare to point out how naked the emperor really is.

The editors of Spin do not take kindly to having their chicanery exposed. In response to me, they have selected OK Computer the top CD of the past 20 years. Clearly my accusations are too close to the truth to go unanswered.

They have shown me the true path with far more clarity than I could ever have managed on my own. This is validation. The Radiohead people are faking it, and Spin magazine is trying to discredit me for exposing them. It's kind of sad seeing the so-called pop art aristocracy overreacting to my little rant in such a dramatic way.

If they think I'm going down without a fight, they're sorely mistaken. My original post was almost a confession of weakness, but the comments were absolutely empowering. Before that post, I was an ordinary man pretending to be cool. But my flimsy wardrobe of black turtlenecks has been augmented with my Super Trendy Armor of Negation ©.

Here and now I draw a line in the black earth. Now comes the time for battle. I will stand and fight! Who among you will stand with me? Together we will destroy the charlatans of Spin Magazine. With one voice we will shout "OK Computer blows, and we won't let you fool us anymore!"

The enemy is powerful. This is a battle we might not win. But better we should die on our feet than live on our knees. Let the call go forth throughout the land: war is upon us! Win or lose, the fury of our battle will shake the very pillars of heaven!

I'd like to think I'm trendy. Well, trendy in a stable, normal way. I'm not about to dye my hair blue or move my waistband down to mid-thigh. I mean trendy in an up-to-date, stylish way.

That's pretty much all a lie. I know that it's not true because I just cannot get Radiohead. Eight years ago when "OK Computer" came out, critics all over the place started talking about what a brilliant album it is. I just don't see it.

I dug their first album, "Pablo Honey." I thought their big single Creep was superb. Then the next album, "The Bends," was released. I thought it was so-so, but I guess still worth listening. Then came OK Computer. It's still widely regarded as their masterpiece. A conceptual work about "the way machines dehumanize people." Fanboys have boosted the user-rating at Amazon.com to 4.5 stars. Every review is packed with superlatives.

People say things like "the emotional whirlwind leaves me dizzy," "I'm genuinely moved by this album," "leaves me with a truly euphoric feeling," "amazing," and "haunting."

What the hell are these people talking about? I listen to OK Computer and I hear a jumbled mess that when stirred long enough might eventually become good music. At best it sounds like mediocre Pink Floyd. At worst it sounds like white noise masquerading as music.

I've tried so hard to like this album. For years, I've gone back to it every couple of months. I've probably played this CD more often than some CDs I genuinely enjoy, just because I'm still trying to get it. See, I really need this to be trendy. I don't feel that I can continue to wear in good conscience my black turtlenecks and little round John Lennon glasses unless I can talk about the brilliance of OK Computer.

I can talk about how their later albums have created a cycle where their continued experimentation alienates more CD buyers, thus reducing their audience for their next experiment, until in the end they'll have five fans listening to them playing a live cat with a violin bow. And I can say these things truthfully. Radiohead is getting stranger with each album.

But I still need OK Computer. That album is the keystone in the arch of their career. Without an understanding of this central work, all the trendy people will know that I am a pretender among them.

Or is it all just a sham? A silent conspiracy? Do all the so-called Radiohead fans actually like and understand this album, or is everyone just faking it so that they too can be hip? I could believe that. It seems to me very possible that everyone in the world thinks this album blows, but many people pretend they're into it because it's "complex and mature." Maybe I'm the only one not pretending.