(For those of you keeping score at home, I'm counting my tiny little tribute to Hunter S. Thompson as Vol I.)
I'm sitting here at my computer, drinking tequila shooters and long-neck beers, half-watching a zombie movie, and munching on a tub of cookie dough. The decadence and excess of my present circumstances are just perfect for talking about the life and death of my lifetime's most influential religious icon.
Karol Józef Wojty?a was born May 18th, 1920. He was elected Pope October 16th, 1978. He died April 2nd, 2005.
At 26 and one-half years, his reign as Pope was history's third longest. (Or possibly the second longest… records are fuzzy on exactly how long St. Peter reigned.) John Paul II was the first Polish Pope, and the first non-Italian Pope since Adrian VI in 1523.
You've probably heard all of this, repeatedly. And you'll probably hear it again and again until the end of conclave. So I'll just move on.
There are a few things I really liked about John Paul's pontificate.
Being Polish, he was intensely interested in Poland's Solidarity movement. His very vocal support of anti-communists hastened the fall of communist Poland, which in turn hastened the fall of the Berlin Wall. As such, John Paul was instrumental in the end of the Cold War. Of course, it would have eventually ended anyway, but he hurried the process along quite noticeably.
John Paul also contributed more to reconciliation than nearly any Pope in history. He met with the leaders of the Eastern Orthodox Church, the first Pope to do so in over twelve centuries. He was the first Pope to visit England, where he knelt in prayer alongside the Archbishop of Canterbury. He also prayed at one of Judaism's holiest sites, the Wailing Wall. Of John Paul, the Anti-Defamation League released a statement saying "more change for the better took place in his 27 year Papacy than in the nearly 2000 years before." He was also the first Pope to visit a mosque, the Umayyad Mosque, where John the Baptist is believed to be interred.
He was also a strong advocate for non-violence and the peaceful resolution of conflict. His history-making visit to England was almost cancelled because of the Falklands war. He made the trip, but spoke strongly against England's actions… while in England. That takes some balls, huh? He also spoke out against Gulf War II, even sending a peace emissary to George W.
Also, apparently the Pope had Bono on speed dial. Really. Bono was a key figure in the Jubilee 2000 campaign for African debt relief. The Pope was also involved, and the two conversed on a regular basis. Anybody with Bono on speed dial has got to be kinda cool.
There's so much media coverage of the Great Events of John Paul's life, I'm almost ashamed to admit I can't think of anything else I liked.
Ok, I'm done being almost ashamed. Now I'm ready to eat, drink, and bash the memory of a revered dead man.
Why, oh why are women still second class citizens in the Catholic world? I like to think of myself as a smart, capable guy. I know women that can whup my ass at everything. Including writing their name in the snow. Isn't it about damn time that women are allowed into the priesthood? Can anyone give me even one REAL reason to continue keeping women out? And no, I do not consider "tradition" a real reason. "Tradition" has given us such wonderful policies as "negros to the back of the bus." We can all agree that was a pretty bad tradition. When are we going to stop the traditions that subjugate half the world's population?
And while we're on women's issues, John Paul opposed abortion under every circumstance. Even the most radical anti-abortionists usually make exceptions for "the life of the mother." Not John Paul. If a woman is pregnant, and that pregnancy will kill her months before childbirth (almost certainly killing the unborn child in the process), John Paul felt it's better for both of them to die. And of course, John Paul makes no exception for rape or incest. Abortions are always bad, period. I respect his resolve, but his obstinacy regarding the lives of at-risk pregnant women is abhorrent.
Condoms are another issue where the Pope would really piss me off. Condoms save lives. Worldwide, every serious study (and even basic logic) shows that people are going to have sex no matter what you tell them. Studies show that abstinence programs are not as effective at preventing pregnancy and the spread of disease as abstinence programs combined with condom distribution. In fact, recent American studies have shown that teens who take abstinence vows are more likely to engage in unprotected sex than teens who have not taken an abstinence vow. Condoms do not promote sex. Condoms promote safe sex. The Catholic Church is growing rapidly in Africa. AIDS is growing rapidly in Africa. Many African communities have a cultural tradition of marginalizing promiscuity and infidelity. Combine that with a rising infection rate and church leaders saying condoms are sinful and you've got a massive problem. Not only did John Paul do nothing to ease this problem, he actively made it worse.
For the most part John Paul was a man of firm resolve. He was utterly inflexible on issues like abortion, gay marriage, condoms, contraception, and execution. Perversely, the one issue best suited to inflexibility is the one issue where he wavered most. The one issue over which humanity is most united is child rape. The desire to protect our society's most vulnerable, our children, crosses all boundaries of faith, race, and nationality. The same Pope who said that condoms are always sinful and abortion is always murder was, shall we say, somewhat less than zealous in his handling of the North American church's recent priest molestation scandals. I once heard an "ironic funny" joke about this. "What's worse than a wolf in sheep's clothing? A wolf in shepherd's clothing." According to John Paul, condoms make the Baby Jesus cry, but there's nothing wrong with paying off a raped child's family and assigning the rapist to a new parish. Apparently doing the right thing is only important when the church's reputation isn't at stake.
And then my final gripe, the beatification of Pope Pius XII. Many people think that Pius did not speak enough during World War II, particularly about the Holocaust. Some people even go so far as to say that Pius quietly favored the Holocaust. I highly doubt that last point, but there's no denying that Pius has become controversial. Personally, I don't care about what Pius XII did, said, or thought. Nor do I care about what he didn't do, say, or think. But it's pretty insensitive for John Paul to move Pius down the road to sainthood at the exact moment in history that people are starting to think Pius might have been a bastard after all.
To sum up, John Paul did some truly great things. But at times he was also a complete bonehead who hurt his church and contributed to millions of deaths. Catholicism is a fairly conservative religion, so we could've have certainly had a worse Pope. But I'm really pulling for a John XXIII style reformer this next time around.
