I dedicate this post to Jess, my new muse.
 

Sundays are often lazy days around my house. Girlfriend works nights, so she usually spends Sunday afternoons sleeping before work. During those "quiet hours" The Kid and I will often go to the park, visit one of the grandparents, read books, or whatever. This weekend The Kid decided to take a nap too, so I had a few hours to myself.

As I stood in the living room wondering what to do with my little bit of freedom, I remembered something that happened about an hour earlier. The Kid went out to the garage alone to look for a toy he thought he'd left in the car. I thought it might be a good idea to step out and make sure he'd closed the car door behind him.

I was outside less than thirty seconds, but that was plenty of time for an ambush. The old guy who lives in the house next to mine will often sit in a certain spot in his living room where he can glance out his window and see me entering and leaving through my patio door. At least once a week he hustles out his back door to catch me and ask some computer-related question. Or sometimes to just talk, and get away from his wife.

Yesterday was a little bit of both. My neighbor's very elderly mother-in-law was visiting, so when he saw me he jumped at the chance to get away from her. We spent several minutes chatting back and forth about the 91 year-old house guest who was currently driving him bat shit crazy. Then he moved on to the day's question.

He wanted to know the best way to hide his downloaded porn collection. Old Porn Neighbor usually asks a pornography-related question once a month or so. [To be clear, he is an old guy who is my neighbor and likes porn, not a neighbor who likes old people porn.] He's asked about how to tell legal from illegal porn, criminal liability should he accidentally download something illegal, the best way to conceal his newsreader without breaking the program's functionality, secure deletion methods, etc. My favorite question is one he's asked several times in various ways.

"What's the best way to hide my porn from my wife?" Every time he asks that, I have a hard time not snickering at him. It's a little creepy talking about pornography with a guy who collect Social Security checks, but he's really a sweet, harmless old man. He and his wife bring us fresh vegetables when they visit the Farmer's Market, and in the winter he often cleans off our sidewalk with his snowblower.

It's not something I'd care to dwell on, but it would not surprise me to find that his, umm… night life… is no longer as satisfying as he'd like. I don't begrudge him his porn habits, but it's still weird talking with him about it.