Tag archives for sex

Thursday, November 22, 2007

I may have misunderstood

I think my sister just told me two people are fucking a dolphin in her bathroom. I may have misunderstood.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I don't know what they're selling…

…but I want one. Or six.

How awesome is this ad? (Picture after the jump)

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Thursday, June 14, 2007

Say wha?

A guy just told me he wants to "fuck George Bush!" I'm pretty sure he doesn't mean that the way it sounds.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Wedding plans and SEX!

If you've been hanging around for a while, you probably know that Bunny and I got engaged a little more than a year ago. If you haven't been hanging around long, yeah, surprise! We're getting married. What you may not know is that we're getting married very soon - May 26th.

There hasn't been much chatter about wedding prep because there hasn't been much wedding prep. I'll bring you up to speed.

  • We're holding the ceremony in our own back yard. We have a few flowering trees that look very pretty when they're blossoming and will make for a nice setting. Nice enough, in fact, that our neighbors married under those trees a few years before we bought the house.

  • The guest list is short: only about 20 guests. It's immediate family only. Bunny and I decided to go this route to avoid all those ridiculous hurt feelings scenarios. We'd like to celebrate our day with all sorts of people, but we despise the idea of "well, now we have to invite my great uncle Hector." To hell with that. Immediate family only. It's just our parents, our siblings and their children.

  • There is no bridal party. Bunny and I got a wire crossed about this a while ago. I thought we were having no attendants, she thought we were having one each. I won't choose between my brother and two of my friends, so I'm having no best man. But Bunny had already arranged to have my Sister stand as her maid of honor. So, Bunny has one standing with her, I have none.

  • The Chicken is our ring bearer, and I'm really looking forward to seeing the little man in his tux. There is no flower girl, no ushers.

  • The ceremony will be officiated by a retired minister Bunny knows. We meet with him on Thursday to begin hashing out specifics. Our ceremony may include a little bit of religion, since Bunny is very faithful, but certainly won't be the kind of thing you'd find in a church. We're all about the cheap showiness of nature.

  • After the ceremony, we're all heading out to dinner at one of Bunny's favorite restaurants.

And that's pretty much it. No receiving line, no hours of photography, no reception, no "are they your relatives or mine?" Simple. No fuss, no headaches.

We're in the home stretch on this. Nearly everything is finished. We've petitioned for our marriage license and will need to pick it up in a few days. We're meeting with the Reverend on Thursday and then again next Tuesday. Chicken and I have our tuxedos ordered. Bunny has her dress bought. The restaurant is arranged.

That's all the big stuff. All that remains are a few details, like Bunny buying a bra that will work with that style of dress. We went to Victoria's Secret this weekend to get that taken care of. We left the store with her purchase in this baggie:

Image: Sex in a bag!

Is it just me or is that logo more suggestive that usual? The "SE" thing is for their Secret Embrace product line. What's with the 1? I don't get why it's there at all. Perhaps that was chosen because it's thin and blends in nicely with the model's bra strap.

To me this creates the impression the 1 isn't there at all. But then you have a gap where there should be another character. This has to be deliberate. There's a model in her skivvies and the design quietly suggests you finish a word beginning S-E-.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. Victoria's Secret markets nearly everything with an undertone of sex. This just seems more obvious than most.

Link:

Woman Sneaks Into Prison for Sex

Link:

The 10 Real Reasons Why Geeks Make Better Lovers

Link:

5th-Graders Accused of Sex in School

Link:

Man Gets Probation for Dead Deer Sex

Link:

Sex in fast lane halts traffic in Israel

Friday, February 9, 2007

We're all doomed

The other day I was in the car and I heard Bowling For Soup's "High School Never Ends." This wasn't the first time I'd heard the song. In fact, I'd heard it often enough that I knew some of the words and could have sung along if I'd wanted.

I don't know what was different about this listening, but I felt like I was truly hearing it for the first time.

The whole damn world is just as obsessed
with who's the best dressed and who's having sex
who's got the money, who gets the honeys
who's kinda cute and who's just a mess.

That's crushing, because they're right.

Who's this the mayor's dicking? Did you hear about the astronaut's diapers? OMG! Can you believe Anna Nicole died?

Is that all we are? Are we just gossips at the back fence? Is there anything left in us that isn't sex and money, death and celebrity? Is Bowling For Soup a harbinger of destruction? Is this song a warning, a subtle scream meant to shake us from the path to Idiocracy?

They're right; there's nothing left of us. Our best is in our past. We are doomed. Our future will be nothing but an endless cycle of envy and schadenfreude as we elevate the meritless only to revel in their failures. Bowling For Soup has shown us the truth.

I despaired.

Then I remembered: it's just Bowling For Fucking Soup.

Then I felt a lot better.