Tag archives for Spider-Man

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Skool tu

Bullet points rule!

  • We finished our second session of "wedding school." If there were actual grades given out, we'd probably have an A. Which really isn't surprising. We've been living as a married couple, more or less, for nine years. We sorted all this out long ago.

  • Because we've long since mastered how to live with each other without either of us planning a murder, you'd think those two counseling sessions would take almost no time at all. There you'd be mistaken. Ben, the minister, is an Olympic champion talker. He has the magic ability to turn simple advice like "You should avoid taking a job working for relatives" into a 15 minute story about how he and his wife once managed a Dairy Queen for his daughter and son-in-law.

  • I might have a short attention span. I have a really, really hard time listening to anything beyond the first two minutes of an "I once managed a Dairy Queen" story. "Oh look," I think. "Here's the cat! Here, kitty! By sheer force of will I will make you hop into my lap so I can pet you while I sort of listen."

  • Bunny's favorite thing about Ben is the fact that he has quite a few, er… "non-standard" beliefs. He told us more than one story about his previous incarnations, like the one where he was a 17th century monk and the one where he was a woman fleeing the Great Flood with her children. That's the Noah's ark flood, which he survived.

  • I'm not much for mushy-headed new age ideas. I mostly view them as a by-product of a people increasingly unsatisfied with old faiths and hungry for something to believe, something that still speaks to them. But I think it's amazingly cool that this minister holds some of those beliefs. That's not something you find often in a clergyman, and that's exactly why we chose him.

  • Our ceremony will include a passage from the Book of Ruth and also a sonnet I suggested. Sweet.

  • And in a bit completely unrelated to wedding things, The Bunny stayed home from work last night. I picked us up a copy of Pan's Labyrinth to watch together while we snuggled on the couch. What a fantastic movie! It was sad and frightening, hauntingly beautiful and… ok, I'm lying. I fell asleep and missed almost the whole thing. That's not a reflection on the movie, though. I saw the first half hour or so and really enjoyed it. Bunny tells me it was excellent. But when I'm a little tired and loafing on the couch, a foreign language film is like a lullaby. Zzzzz…

  • This past weekend was a two movie weekend. Spider-Man 3 was very… meh. Sandman was by far the most compelling character, which is kind of off considering he's supposed to be the most minor character. And this whole tortured romance thing? Please stop. I'm ready for Mary Jane to get killed by a villain any time now.

  • On the other hand, 28 Weeks Later was outstanding. Zombie movies don't get much better than the first five minutes of Weeks. There were a bunch of scenes that were predictable or unintentionally silly, but there were also scenes that were inventive and genuinely frightening. I challenge anyone to watch this movie in the theater and not be mesmerized by the second tube station scene. I want to see it again.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Questions answered?

I'm really looking forward to Spider-Man 3, and not just because I want to watch the movie. I'm hoping that whatever way the filmmakers explain Venom will finally be satisfactory to The Chicken. I don't recall exactly how Chicken first discovered Venom. Perhaps it was a Spider-Man cartoon, or maybe looking through my old trading cards. However he learned of him, Venom quickly became Chicken's favorite.

Do you know anything about Venom's origin? It's not something easily explained to a little kid. In the mid 80s there was a comic book mini-series called "Secret Wars." In this story, all of Earth's greatest heroes and villains were transported to a constructed world at the edge of the universe to settle the good vs. evil debate with a grand battle royale. The God-like being who arranged this conflict provided fantastic machines for each side to use for various purposes, including costume repair. The folks at Marvel used this as an opportunity to introduce a lot of new costumes, including Spider-Man's sechsee black outfit.

In the comic, Spider-Man, his suit in tatters, wanders off to find this magic costume making machine. He finds something looking like a cross between an old school espresso machine and a jet engine that produces a little black globule. He touches it and it swarms over him like the blob. (The sci-fi movie blob, not the comic book Blob… sorry for switching streams like that on you.) This new costume is a smart costume. It produces its own webbing, it changes shape and color and it even responds to Spider-Man's thoughts. Plus, it looks awesome. The black costume is definitely my favorite.

But there's a problem, which isn't revealed until much later. It's not a smart costume. It's an alien life form and it's trying to bond with Spider-Man permanently. This is of course a Bad Thing.

Spider-Man learns this alien is vulnerable to sound. He sheds it once and for all by tearing it off his body in the bell tower of a cathedral while the bells are tolling. Initially Spider-Man thought this killed the alien, but not so. Also in the cathedral was Eddie Brock, a reporter who'd staked his career on a story Spider-Man proved to be false. United by their despair and their hatred of Spider-Man, Brock and the alien symbiote merged for good, creating the entity known as Venom. And that's the part where I lose Chicken.

Eddie Brock was a separate being. The alien was a separate being. They have now merged to create one being. Venom is Brock and the alien combined. Venom is not Brock in an alien costume. Brock no longer exists. The alien no longer exists. There is only Venom.

I have explained this to Chicken in dozens of different ways. I've come up with a new explanation about every two weeks for the past three or four years. I cannot find an explanation that leaves him truly understanding it. The newest explanation involves candy bar analogies.

 

Chicken: So, when Eddie Brock is wearing the Venom suit…

Me: It's not a suit, Chicken. Eddie and the alien are one thing. They are Venom.

Chicken: Uh… um…

Me: Ok, it's like a candy bar, right?

Chicken: I don't get it.

Me: Eddie Brock is like nougat.

Chicken: Ok.

Me: The alien is like chocolate.

Chicken: Ok.

Me: When they were separate, they were chocolate and nougat, Eddie and alien.

Chicken: Ok.

Me: Now they are combined. They are one thing. They are the candy bar. They are Venom.

Chicken: Ok…

Me: Do you see?

Chicken: So… Venom is like Eddie Brock covered in chocolate? Does Venom eat chocolate?

(pause)

Chicken: Can I have a candy bar?

 

I will be one happy Fish if Sam Raimi succeeds in explaining this damn thing.

Link:

The Most Expensive Movie Ever Made - How Sony's $500 million Spider-Man sequel spun out of control

Friday, September 8, 2006

Why wasn't this on the DVD?

Like most big budget movies, the promotional phase for Spider-Man (released in May of 2002) began far in advance of the film's release date. As near as I can tell, the early teaser trailers were released in July of 2001.

I can understand why that footage wasn't included in the theatrical release, but I'm disappointed it didn't make it to the DVD. I'm also disappointed that Lunatic Calm song didn't make it into the movie.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

I Used Up All My Creativity On The Post…

Amy

Wow, I almost feel a little naughty sitting here in The Fish's "backroom." I've never guest posted for anyone before and I have the overwhelming feeling to make sure I "clean up" and put everything back in it's place before I leave.

I have to be honest, the second Fish asked me to guest post (a HUGE freaking honor to me, honestly, and sincerely) - I froze up like a deer in the headlights. Writer's block set in, my throat closed, my normally agile fingers cramped up and became nearly arthritic frozen above the keyboard.

*ack* What to write about… come on… Fish is depending on you… WRITE SOMETHING!!!!!

Then the word came from the boss himself (Fish, not God, although, in Fish's blog, I suppose he is God)… I wasn't allowed to post porn or discuss illegal downloads. He had to stay cool with his host.

So now all I can think about is a post on illegally downloading porn. AND… I don't even know how to do THAT!!!!

My biggest concern is that the readers of this blog are used to far better content than I am capable of providing. Then l remembered the recent "Spiderman" pics that Fish came up with. The sad fact is that you people (and when I say YOU, I am including myself) are easily amused and will read almost anything… or at least look at almost anything.

Of course, you have to take into consideration that Fish pulled the old, "curiosity killed the cat" on all of us. He put a link there and essentially dared us to look at some balding, overweight man, with his testies painted blue. I'll never be able to gouge that image from my mind's eye. It's there permanently, waiting in the shadows. In the middle of my dreams when I am knee-deep in a heavy make-out session with Sean Connery or Harrison Ford…

BOO!!! MIDDLE AGE MELT-DOWN SPIDER MAN!!!

Sean *gone* - oh sure, he could finish off that fatass Auric Goldfinger (James Bond reference) but one look at the psuedo Spiderman and he is outta there.

Harrison Ford - while terrorists, the Third Reich, and a bald freako who can pull your heart out of your chest, were no big thing, apparently one quick glimpse at a set of blue balls and a middle-age paunch and he vanishes faster than the Klondikes in my freezer.

So, now instead of being intimidated and worried about doing a "good job" for Fish while he's on vacation - I'm actually a little miffed. Fish has ruined my fantasy life completely and let me tell you, in my fantasies - I'M HOT. So you know how miffed I am that it's all over now? Pretty miffed.

Damn Fish.

Damn "Spiderman."

Oh, look Strawberry Cheesecake Klondikes…

Monday, July 24, 2006

I should really write a post, shouldn't I?

Yes, I should. It's been a few days, after all.

Uh, yeah. I got nothin'. And when I got nothin', I fall back to either (a) links, or (b) weird photos.

I choose b. You've been warned.

I can handle it!

Friday, April 7, 2006

Too weird to not share

WTF?

I think it's the Spidey underwear that really brings this one home for me.