I can't figure out if you're a detective or a pervert.
Almost a year ago to the day, I speculated on Today show alternate David Gregory's height.
That post started a steady stream of search engine hits from people wondering the same thing. Because I'm such a helpful guy, I posted that he might be a 9'3" mutant freak.
This morning somebody was teasing him on air about his height. Gregory said that he is 6'5".
That's disappointing.
Me: Hey, Meat Loaf is on the Today show.
The Bunny: Yeah?
Me: He's still cool.
Bunny: I'm not sure "cool" is the word I'd use.
Me: He was always kind of tubby and goofy, but at least he used to be a fireball rock 'n roller.
Bunny: When did you first become attracted to Meat Loaf? Was it after you saw his boobs in Fight Club?
(pause)
Me: Those are his "bitch tits."
Yeah, so I'm watching the Today show, right? Al impressed the hell out of me for a brief moment. He (along with Ann and Matt) were talking with Adrien Brody about some upcoming project on the death of George Reeves, TV's original Superman.
When Brody mentioned this project detailing several perspectives, Al chimed in "So it's something of a Rashomon?" I thought "How cool is it that Al just dropped a reference to 50's Japanese cinema?" Answer: totally cool.
A few minutes later they're playing something like Bridal Couple Fear Factor.
The cool quotient has returned to its pre-Rashomon level.
So Katie Couric left the Today show, right? I was sorry to see her go. I thought she was adorable and I think she brightened my morning. I'm not going to watch CBS News to get my dose of Katie.
So NBC decided to go with Meredith Whatshername. But not right away. Meredith starts in September. I'm neither looking forward to that nor dreading it. I don't have anything either for or against Meredith.
But in the meantime, I'm really getting attached to Campbell Brown. And she's not staying. Fucking Michael Douglas. It's all his fault.
Matt: …and someone else who's back in style in a big way, Mariah Carey will be on the show…
Who says Mariah Carey is in style again? Really, does anyone actually give a rip about her? I think the answer to that is "no." Maybe studio executives and Hollywood kingmakers have decided Mariah's hot again, but I don't think anyone else is really listening.
So I'm half watching the Today show like I normally do on a weekday morning. High-powered Hollywood producer and frequent Ron Howard collaborator Brian Grazer was just on to talk about The Da Vinci Code. Apparently Grazer is one of those faux modesty people. He drops the names of his projects like nobody's heard of them.
I made this movie, 8 Mile, that was about hip hop…
I've got this little TV project, it's called "24"…
That's irritating. Does he actually think that's modesty?
Why California sucks: Brian Grazer lives there.
Ann Curry (Today show): "…Simpson was in Washington to promote her charity dedicated to helping children with facial disfigurations."
The Bunny: Jessica Simpson needs to fix her own facial disfiguration.
Me: What's wrong with her face?
(pause)
Bunny: (sigh) Nothing.
There's a woman on the Today show with a terrier under each arm. She's referring to them as her children.
People like that freak me out.
Kristi Yamaoka
Yeah, so I saw this thing on the Today show yesterday and I'm only now getting around to writing about it. They had on this cheerleader from Southern Illinois University, Kristi Yamaoka, who hurt herself during a cheer.
She fell off the top of a human pyramid and landed on her head, suffering a concussion, a spinal fracture and a bruised lung. She was strapped onto a spine board and carried off the court by paramedics. Her injury is certainly horrible, but the only reason this is getting national media attention is that she continued her cheer while being carried off the court.
When the pep band fired up the school's fight song "Go Southern Go," Yamaoka gave a two-handed thumbs up from the gurney, then moved her arms — the only things not strapped down — in time to the music and cheered.
Today had video of this that is frankly a little disturbing.
You know the Today show's pattern? They try to keep people from changing the channel by sticking the next guest on camera for a few seconds just before a commercial break. When Yamaoka got her five seconds of pre-commercial camera time she started doing her damn cheer again, "I almost killed myself" neck brace and all.
This girl freaks me out.
So I'm watching the Today show, right? Katie just said "Ok, I'm going down now."
I'm taking that to my happy place.